Chapter 6
He needed to find her but where he didn’t know. There had to be something in her room that she’d left for him to find. Something! Anything? That was when he spotted a small piece of paper neatly folded on the left bedside table - the side he always slept on. He sat on the bed and took a deep breath as he opened the piece of paper.
He was apprehensive as he read her words. She’d written:
“As I write this your out there somewhere with your fiancée and for some reason that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to know that you’ve chosen her over me in this silent war. The silent war which has been slowly playing out during this past year between us all. But despite my hurt I can see and understand why you have chosen her. She never lied to you the way I have. She never had your baby with the intention of never telling you like the way I have.
Something which I never had any intention of doing either but I did. Hurting you was something I never ever intended to do but I did. It just happened. It’s funny because all I have ever wanted was a child and to be a mother. Despite all my success I was never truly happy because I didn’t have a child to call my own. I wasn’t a mother in the true sense of the word. Sure I was considered the mother to the Idol contestants but they weren’t really my children.
And so the day I saw the positive sign from the pregnancy test, telling me I was truly pregnant it was the best and worst day of my life at the same time. I was finally pregnant, finally I was to be a mother but you were the father. You, a man who was involved with another was the father of my baby.
For me to come clean to the world about it then and there would have been sheer stupidity. I can literally imagine the things they would have said and written about me. Whore? Slut? Slapper? Relationship wrecker? I can think of my many more.
Basically I had to leave. I had to get out of there before something stupid happened. You are now free to start a family with Mezhgan. Free to marry her and start a family. You are free to do all the things me and Alexia were stopping you from doing.
Alexia and I are going back to LA without you. All that I ask is that you leave us alone. You do not contact us in anyway, shape or form. I don’t intend to reveal to the world the truth of Alexia’s paternity. I do however intend to tell them that Daniel is her father. I’ll tell them he was my donor or something. That is it. You don’t have to worry about me tainting your precious reputation.
I’m setting you free.”
“Setting me free?” he questioned. What did she mean by that? How could she set him free when he wasn’t hers to see free? That was it! He rushed out of the room, grabbing his keys he ran to car where he quickly sped off into the early afternoon sun.
He could feel a thousand emotions whirling around inside of him. It was making him nauseous. There was one emotion which seemed constant and strong. One emotion which as he slowly realised what it was, the others faded away into the darkness leaving only that one emotion.
He felt the love surround and conquer him as he stood away and watched his daughter and her mother playing silently by the duck pond near his mothers home. It was their secret place. No one else went there which is why she was there. It was safe. It was in that moment as he watched Paula placing a kiss upon their daughters forehead that he loved her.
He felt himself smile as she looked up from Alexia to see him walking towards them. Despite the look she was giving him his smile grew even wider as Alexia spotted him and began to crawl in his direction. He met her half way and scooped her up into his arms before he moved closer to Paula and sat down slowly onto the grass.
“Why are you here?” she whispered. “I told you to leave us alone. Why didn’t you listen?”
“I didn’t listen because you are not my boss!” he hissed softly. “You do not have the right to dictate my life. I have already lost too much because of you and I’ll be damned if I lose anymore!”
“Leave us!”
“No!” he snapped back. “I’m staying right here with my family. I’m not going anywhere!”
“Your family?” she whispered as she for the first time turned to look him in the eye.
“Yes. My family,” he replied. “Mezhgan and I are friends nothing more. We realised that there was just to many things working against us. I love her but not the way I should. Not the way I love you.”
“The way you love me?” she said smiling as she leaned forward so that she could place a kiss upon his lips.
“Yes. The way I love you,” he whispered as he returned the kiss. “Thank you for setting me free.”
The words which had been unspoken for so long had now finally been spoken.
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Unspoken Words.
Chapter 5 -
“Oh God!” The two of them sprung apart as if they were a child who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The four corners of the room were now occupied by four equally stunned people. The four of them stood silent and unsure of what to say, what to do when suddenly a small cry broke through via the baby monitor that was situated on the table by the sofa.
“Alexia,” he whispered, glancing briefly at the woman in the room before he rushed out of the room and up the stairs leaving Paula alone with Mezhgan and Julie.
She felt as if she were sitting in an interrogation room, a thousand lights shining down on her as the two woman stared silently at her, their gazes were piercing and searching for answers to the many questions that now plagued and consumed them. Mezhgan’s stare was blank, her eyes showing a little hurt as she gazed at Paula. Paula could tell that she was trying compute everything she’d just seen and heard when suddenly Simon’s voice broke through the silence.
“Daddy is here princess, so you needn’t cry any longer. Shush,” he cooed, his voice soft and loving as it took on a tone which was all too familiar to those downstairs. It was a tone they’d all heard or used. It was a tone a parent spoke in when they were speaking to a child, usually their child.
If was If she could see Mezhgan’s heart shattering and breaking inside of her as Simon appeared on the stairs, a sleepy-looking Alexia in his arms. She was softly babbling to herself, holding onto her father tightly as he descended the stairs which lead them into the living room. He moved to stand next to Paula, his gaze focused on the person who was his fiancée.
“Her name is Alexia,” he began, swallowing repeatedly. “She is… well… she is.”
“She’s our daughter,” Paula said, stepping in when she could see that he was unable to say it. Unable to break the news to his fiancée. Julie had already known about her granddaughter she’d just never met her. The risk of the world finding out, of Mezhgan finding out had been too great. “It’s not what you thin-”
“You bastard!” Mezhgan screamed hurling engagement ring, narrowly avoiding Simon as she rushed out of the house.
He stood staring at the door as Julie moved towards him, her eyes full of unshed tears as for the first time since Alexia had been born, she was here in the flesh. She was actually here. He wordlessly allowed his mother to take Alexia into her arms, to move and sit down on the sofa. He turned to watch his daughter placing a kiss upon her grandmothers cheek before she snuggled into her where she promptly fell back to sleep.
He’d shut himself off from her again she could tell by the look in his eyes or lack thereof. The second the ring had come off of Mezhgan’s finger he’d shut down again, he’d shut her out. She watched with great sadness as he made sure he was sat on the side of his mother that she wasn’t occupying.
She didn’t know what to do, what to feel or say as he excused himself citing ‘work’ and promptly shut himself away in his office. She merely nodded her head in agreement as Julie offered to put Alexia back to bed, she wasn’t really aware as Julie took her hand and led her upstairs and into her room whilst she placed Alexia back in Simon’s room.
Julir didn’t know what it was that made Paula cry but she cried. Julie watched her cry harder and longer than she’d ever seen her cry before. She was truly pained as her tears fell and fell until they could fall no more. Paula had fallen asleep after some time had passed. How much time she didn’t know but she could definitely see that Paula was exhausted from all the pain and she needed him; he needed her.
And so after Paula had definitely fallen asleep she went in search of her son. The son she knew would be in great pain, how greater pain she soon found out when she knocked on the office door to see him asleep at his desk, his cheeks stained with his tears as he held a photo of his father in his hand. His sleeping face bore the same expression as Paula. He looked tired, tired and pained.
Aside from the fact she knew he would wake up feeling psychically pained from the position he was sleeping in, she knew he needed face a few demons whether he liked it or not and so she shook him awake. She shook him gently until he opened his eyes, her heart melted when his tired eyes focused on her just like he did when he’d been a small boy except this time he was a grown man. But he was a grown man who nonetheless needed those who loved him.
“Mum?” he whispered, his voice hoarse from the sleep and tears. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing son,” she whispered. Just before she disappeared out of his office she indicted with her finger for him to follow her. She raised her finger indicting he wasn’t to say a word as she led them into Paula’s room where she was still sleeping soundly on the bed. “I am going to sleep in your bed and make sure Alexia is ok whilst you and Paula are to share this bed. No arguments, she said, kissing his cheek softly before leaving the room, leaving him standing there in total disbelief.
He knew better than to argue with his mum. Aside from him never winning the argument, she was his mother and he’d never be so disrespectful especially after his father had died. He carefully stripped Paula down so that she was wearing her dress, he’d removed all the clunky clothing and jewellery, her shoes before he gently manoeuvred her under the covers.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered after he’d stripped down to his underwear and he too had climbed under the covers. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before turning his body so his back was facing her where he promptly fell asleep.
*
“Paula?” she turned to face Amy who was looking at her with an expression of concern. She had been staying with Amy for over five months which meant that she was currently six months pregnant with hers and Simon’s baby. Baby girl or baby boy? She didn’t know because she’d hadn’t wanted to find out. She had wanted it to be a surprise. Ever since she’d been aware of how babies were really made she’d said to herself that if she ever had a baby she would want to be unaware of her babies gender. She liked the idea of not knowing, of finding out when the baby was born.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Are you ok? I mean really ok?” Amy asked as she moved to join Paula on the sofa. “Your quiet. Almost weirdly quiet.”
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” she whispered softly in reply. “I can’t stop thinking about the father and what I must be doing to him by being here. I can’t go back right now, I know that but it just hurts so much to think that I just upped and left. I left everyone and everything that mattered to me behind! All because I couldn’t handle the fact that I had gotten knocked up by who knocked me up!”
“Come here,” Amy whispered as she pulled an almost sobbing Paula into her arms.
“He’s engaged to another woman for crying out loud! He’s engaged to another woman and he knocked me up! Yes he knocked me up before they got together but how do you tell a man who is serious with another that you, you are pregnant with his child? You can’t without causing some serious, maybe irreparable damage. Which is why I decided to do what I have done because when I return he’ll hate me so much he’ll never want to talk or see me again, which means that I won’t have to worry about him discovering my little secret,” she said, placing her hand over her stomach as her unborn child made her presence known with a swift kick.
“I’m sorry baby,” she whispered, the reality of what she’d done truly settling into her mind as her unborn baby kicked. She was depriving her child of a father.*
She awoke slowly, wiping away the sleep from her eyes as her dream was still fresh in her mind. The dream which plagued her frequently. The dream which was a reality. “What?” she whispered as she registered the weight pressing upon her. She looked down to see that some of that reality was laying in bed with her asleep. Asleep as he had an arm wrapped around her whilst his head was nestled safely upon her breasts. Simon was in the same bed as her and he was nestled close and intimately to her.
She was puzzled for a moment until she looked up at the door to see a smiling Julie holding Alexia. She must have planned something. “She is truly a clever, clever woman.” she mused as Julie placed Alexia on Paula’s stomach where she quickly mentioned she was making breakfast before leaving the little family all on their own.
She had to stifle a laugh when Alexia spotted Simon and immediately got the look upon her face which usually meant she wanted to play but obviously Simon couldn’t play. He was asleep. A fact which was quickly rectified by Alexia who swiftly and decisively grabbed a hold of her sleeping fathers nose and pulled on it hard.
“Ow!” Simon growled in annoyance as he was rudely awakened by who he did not know. “Oh,” he whispered, his face lighting up with a smile as he spotted his baby girl staring at him, her face mirroring his smile. “Hello darling,” he smiled as she placed a swift kiss upon his cheek.
She smiled despite herself when she saw his face blush furiously once he released who he was snuggled against. She kept her face neutral despite her body yearning for his warmth to return once he moved away from her, and situated Alexia so that he was sitting against the headboard with her resting against his knees.
They were enjoying such an intimate, perfect moment. She knew that she’d never felt as happy as she did in that moment. She was happy until he spoke.
“I need to talk to her. I have to speak to her,” he said.
She never got the chance to reply as Julie shouted up the stairs telling them that breakfast was ready.
*
He was early. A rare instance he mused whilst he waited for his fiancée to arrive. Well he doesn’t know what she was to him anymore after last night. He’d taken his mother home before phoning Mezhgan asking her if they could talk. And so here he was sitting in a restaurant waiting for her to arrive.
He smiled as he noticed her walking towards him. “Hi,” he said as she took a seat opposite him. “I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for all of this. I honestly never meant to hurt you. I love you.”
“I know you do Simon but we both know that we don’t love one another enough,” Mezhgan said as she removed her sunglasses. “I just want to know one thing. Was Alexia conceived once you and I were together?”
“No,” he said. “It was one night shortly before you and I got together. I was over at Paula’s we were watching movies and drinking wine when one thing led to another. We slept together and obviously we made a baby. But that was it. I never saw her again for nine months.”
“I don’t hate you Simon. I honestly don’t but I know in my heart that this was the final nail in the coffin that was our relationship. You’ve have a child and you never told me. I was supposed to become your wife and you hid this from me. I know there is a reason why you have hidden this from me but I don’t want to hear it right now. I just want to move on with my life.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered once more.
“I know you are Simon. I know you are. I’ll continue to pretend we are an item for as long as you need us to pretend. Just know that I love you and I will always love you. Goodbye,” she whispered softly before leaving to process his thoughts alone.
*
“Where the hell is she?” he said aloud to himself as he stood in the hallway. He’d called her name expecting her to magically appear like she always did but this time there was no answer. The only sounds he could hear were coming from himself; his heavy breathing and the furious beating of his heart as it thumped rapidly against his ribs.
He raced upstairs to the room where Paula had been staying only to find it empty so he rushed in a flurry of panic to his own room which was deserted too. He was about to turn away when suddenly he spotted something on the floor by his bed. As he moved closer he saw that it was Alexia’s bear. The bear that she slept with nightly.
“They’ve gone,” he whispered brokenly. "Mezhgan." The name hit him like a ton of bricks. She'd left. She'd left and taken their baby girl because of Mezhgan. She thought he was choosing Mezhgan. He just didn't understand why it upset her when he wasn't hers to claim.
“Oh God!” The two of them sprung apart as if they were a child who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The four corners of the room were now occupied by four equally stunned people. The four of them stood silent and unsure of what to say, what to do when suddenly a small cry broke through via the baby monitor that was situated on the table by the sofa.
“Alexia,” he whispered, glancing briefly at the woman in the room before he rushed out of the room and up the stairs leaving Paula alone with Mezhgan and Julie.
She felt as if she were sitting in an interrogation room, a thousand lights shining down on her as the two woman stared silently at her, their gazes were piercing and searching for answers to the many questions that now plagued and consumed them. Mezhgan’s stare was blank, her eyes showing a little hurt as she gazed at Paula. Paula could tell that she was trying compute everything she’d just seen and heard when suddenly Simon’s voice broke through the silence.
“Daddy is here princess, so you needn’t cry any longer. Shush,” he cooed, his voice soft and loving as it took on a tone which was all too familiar to those downstairs. It was a tone they’d all heard or used. It was a tone a parent spoke in when they were speaking to a child, usually their child.
If was If she could see Mezhgan’s heart shattering and breaking inside of her as Simon appeared on the stairs, a sleepy-looking Alexia in his arms. She was softly babbling to herself, holding onto her father tightly as he descended the stairs which lead them into the living room. He moved to stand next to Paula, his gaze focused on the person who was his fiancée.
“Her name is Alexia,” he began, swallowing repeatedly. “She is… well… she is.”
“She’s our daughter,” Paula said, stepping in when she could see that he was unable to say it. Unable to break the news to his fiancée. Julie had already known about her granddaughter she’d just never met her. The risk of the world finding out, of Mezhgan finding out had been too great. “It’s not what you thin-”
“You bastard!” Mezhgan screamed hurling engagement ring, narrowly avoiding Simon as she rushed out of the house.
He stood staring at the door as Julie moved towards him, her eyes full of unshed tears as for the first time since Alexia had been born, she was here in the flesh. She was actually here. He wordlessly allowed his mother to take Alexia into her arms, to move and sit down on the sofa. He turned to watch his daughter placing a kiss upon her grandmothers cheek before she snuggled into her where she promptly fell back to sleep.
He’d shut himself off from her again she could tell by the look in his eyes or lack thereof. The second the ring had come off of Mezhgan’s finger he’d shut down again, he’d shut her out. She watched with great sadness as he made sure he was sat on the side of his mother that she wasn’t occupying.
She didn’t know what to do, what to feel or say as he excused himself citing ‘work’ and promptly shut himself away in his office. She merely nodded her head in agreement as Julie offered to put Alexia back to bed, she wasn’t really aware as Julie took her hand and led her upstairs and into her room whilst she placed Alexia back in Simon’s room.
Julir didn’t know what it was that made Paula cry but she cried. Julie watched her cry harder and longer than she’d ever seen her cry before. She was truly pained as her tears fell and fell until they could fall no more. Paula had fallen asleep after some time had passed. How much time she didn’t know but she could definitely see that Paula was exhausted from all the pain and she needed him; he needed her.
And so after Paula had definitely fallen asleep she went in search of her son. The son she knew would be in great pain, how greater pain she soon found out when she knocked on the office door to see him asleep at his desk, his cheeks stained with his tears as he held a photo of his father in his hand. His sleeping face bore the same expression as Paula. He looked tired, tired and pained.
Aside from the fact she knew he would wake up feeling psychically pained from the position he was sleeping in, she knew he needed face a few demons whether he liked it or not and so she shook him awake. She shook him gently until he opened his eyes, her heart melted when his tired eyes focused on her just like he did when he’d been a small boy except this time he was a grown man. But he was a grown man who nonetheless needed those who loved him.
“Mum?” he whispered, his voice hoarse from the sleep and tears. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing son,” she whispered. Just before she disappeared out of his office she indicted with her finger for him to follow her. She raised her finger indicting he wasn’t to say a word as she led them into Paula’s room where she was still sleeping soundly on the bed. “I am going to sleep in your bed and make sure Alexia is ok whilst you and Paula are to share this bed. No arguments, she said, kissing his cheek softly before leaving the room, leaving him standing there in total disbelief.
He knew better than to argue with his mum. Aside from him never winning the argument, she was his mother and he’d never be so disrespectful especially after his father had died. He carefully stripped Paula down so that she was wearing her dress, he’d removed all the clunky clothing and jewellery, her shoes before he gently manoeuvred her under the covers.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered after he’d stripped down to his underwear and he too had climbed under the covers. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before turning his body so his back was facing her where he promptly fell asleep.
*
“Paula?” she turned to face Amy who was looking at her with an expression of concern. She had been staying with Amy for over five months which meant that she was currently six months pregnant with hers and Simon’s baby. Baby girl or baby boy? She didn’t know because she’d hadn’t wanted to find out. She had wanted it to be a surprise. Ever since she’d been aware of how babies were really made she’d said to herself that if she ever had a baby she would want to be unaware of her babies gender. She liked the idea of not knowing, of finding out when the baby was born.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Are you ok? I mean really ok?” Amy asked as she moved to join Paula on the sofa. “Your quiet. Almost weirdly quiet.”
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” she whispered softly in reply. “I can’t stop thinking about the father and what I must be doing to him by being here. I can’t go back right now, I know that but it just hurts so much to think that I just upped and left. I left everyone and everything that mattered to me behind! All because I couldn’t handle the fact that I had gotten knocked up by who knocked me up!”
“Come here,” Amy whispered as she pulled an almost sobbing Paula into her arms.
“He’s engaged to another woman for crying out loud! He’s engaged to another woman and he knocked me up! Yes he knocked me up before they got together but how do you tell a man who is serious with another that you, you are pregnant with his child? You can’t without causing some serious, maybe irreparable damage. Which is why I decided to do what I have done because when I return he’ll hate me so much he’ll never want to talk or see me again, which means that I won’t have to worry about him discovering my little secret,” she said, placing her hand over her stomach as her unborn child made her presence known with a swift kick.
“I’m sorry baby,” she whispered, the reality of what she’d done truly settling into her mind as her unborn baby kicked. She was depriving her child of a father.*
She awoke slowly, wiping away the sleep from her eyes as her dream was still fresh in her mind. The dream which plagued her frequently. The dream which was a reality. “What?” she whispered as she registered the weight pressing upon her. She looked down to see that some of that reality was laying in bed with her asleep. Asleep as he had an arm wrapped around her whilst his head was nestled safely upon her breasts. Simon was in the same bed as her and he was nestled close and intimately to her.
She was puzzled for a moment until she looked up at the door to see a smiling Julie holding Alexia. She must have planned something. “She is truly a clever, clever woman.” she mused as Julie placed Alexia on Paula’s stomach where she quickly mentioned she was making breakfast before leaving the little family all on their own.
She had to stifle a laugh when Alexia spotted Simon and immediately got the look upon her face which usually meant she wanted to play but obviously Simon couldn’t play. He was asleep. A fact which was quickly rectified by Alexia who swiftly and decisively grabbed a hold of her sleeping fathers nose and pulled on it hard.
“Ow!” Simon growled in annoyance as he was rudely awakened by who he did not know. “Oh,” he whispered, his face lighting up with a smile as he spotted his baby girl staring at him, her face mirroring his smile. “Hello darling,” he smiled as she placed a swift kiss upon his cheek.
She smiled despite herself when she saw his face blush furiously once he released who he was snuggled against. She kept her face neutral despite her body yearning for his warmth to return once he moved away from her, and situated Alexia so that he was sitting against the headboard with her resting against his knees.
They were enjoying such an intimate, perfect moment. She knew that she’d never felt as happy as she did in that moment. She was happy until he spoke.
“I need to talk to her. I have to speak to her,” he said.
She never got the chance to reply as Julie shouted up the stairs telling them that breakfast was ready.
*
He was early. A rare instance he mused whilst he waited for his fiancée to arrive. Well he doesn’t know what she was to him anymore after last night. He’d taken his mother home before phoning Mezhgan asking her if they could talk. And so here he was sitting in a restaurant waiting for her to arrive.
He smiled as he noticed her walking towards him. “Hi,” he said as she took a seat opposite him. “I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for all of this. I honestly never meant to hurt you. I love you.”
“I know you do Simon but we both know that we don’t love one another enough,” Mezhgan said as she removed her sunglasses. “I just want to know one thing. Was Alexia conceived once you and I were together?”
“No,” he said. “It was one night shortly before you and I got together. I was over at Paula’s we were watching movies and drinking wine when one thing led to another. We slept together and obviously we made a baby. But that was it. I never saw her again for nine months.”
“I don’t hate you Simon. I honestly don’t but I know in my heart that this was the final nail in the coffin that was our relationship. You’ve have a child and you never told me. I was supposed to become your wife and you hid this from me. I know there is a reason why you have hidden this from me but I don’t want to hear it right now. I just want to move on with my life.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered once more.
“I know you are Simon. I know you are. I’ll continue to pretend we are an item for as long as you need us to pretend. Just know that I love you and I will always love you. Goodbye,” she whispered softly before leaving to process his thoughts alone.
*
“Where the hell is she?” he said aloud to himself as he stood in the hallway. He’d called her name expecting her to magically appear like she always did but this time there was no answer. The only sounds he could hear were coming from himself; his heavy breathing and the furious beating of his heart as it thumped rapidly against his ribs.
He raced upstairs to the room where Paula had been staying only to find it empty so he rushed in a flurry of panic to his own room which was deserted too. He was about to turn away when suddenly he spotted something on the floor by his bed. As he moved closer he saw that it was Alexia’s bear. The bear that she slept with nightly.
“They’ve gone,” he whispered brokenly. "Mezhgan." The name hit him like a ton of bricks. She'd left. She'd left and taken their baby girl because of Mezhgan. She thought he was choosing Mezhgan. He just didn't understand why it upset her when he wasn't hers to claim.
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
Unspoken Words.
Chapter 4.
“Oh God!” The two of them sprung apart as if they were a child who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The four corners of the room were now occupied by four equally stunned people. The four of them stood silent and unsure of what to say, what to do when suddenly a small cry broke through via the baby monitor that was situated on the table by the sofa.
“Alexia,” he whispered, glancing briefly at the woman in the room before he rushed out of the room and up the stairs leaving Paula alone with Mezhgan and Julie.
She felt as if she were sitting in an interrogation room, a thousand lights shining down on her as the two woman stared silently at her, their gazes were piercing and searching for answers to the many questions that now plagued and consumed them. Mezhgan’s stare was blank, her eyes showing a little hurt as she gazed at Paula. Paula could tell that she was trying compute everything she’d just seen and heard when suddenly Simon’s voice broke through the silence.
“Daddy is here princess, so you needn’t cry any longer. Shush,” he cooed, his voice soft and loving as it took on a tone which was all too familiar to those downstairs. It was a tone they’d all heard or used. It was a tone a parent spoke in when they were speaking to a child, usually their child.
If was If she could see Mezhgan’s heart shattering and breaking inside of her as Simon appeared on the stairs, a sleepy-looking Alexia in his arms. She was softly babbling to herself, holding onto her father tightly as he descended the stairs which lead them into the living room. He moved to stand next to Paula, his gaze focused on the person who was his fiancée.
“Her name is Alexia,” he began, swallowing repeatedly. “She is… well… she is.”
“She’s our daughter,” Paula said, stepping in when she could see that he was unable to say it. Unable to break the news to his fiancée. Julie had already known about her granddaughter she’d just never met her. The risk of the world finding out, of Mezhgan finding out had been too great. “It’s not what you thin-”
“You bastard!” Mezhgan screamed hurling engagement ring, narrowly avoiding Simon as she rushed out of the house.
He stood staring at the door as Julie moved towards him, her eyes full of unshed tears as for the first time since Alexia had been born, she was here in the flesh. She was actually here. He wordlessly allowed his mother to take Alexia into her arms, to move and sit down on the sofa. He turned to watch his daughter placing a kiss upon her grandmothers cheek before she snuggled into her where she promptly fell back to sleep.
He’d shut himself off from her again she could tell by the look in his eyes or lack thereof. The second the ring had come off of Mezhgan’s finger he’d shut down again, he’d shut her out. She watched with great sadness as he made sure he was sat on the side of his mother that she wasn’t occupying.
She didn’t know what to do, what to feel or say as he excused himself citing ‘work’ and promptly shut himself away in his office. She merely nodded her head in agreement as Julie offered to put Alexia back to bed, she wasn’t really aware as Julie took her hand and led her upstairs and into her room whilst she placed Alexia back in Simon’s room.
Julir didn’t know what it was that made Paula cry but she cried. Julie watched her cry harder and longer than she’d ever seen her cry before. She was truly pained as her tears fell and fell until they could fall no more. Paula had fallen asleep after some time had passed. How much time she didn’t know but she could definitely see that Paula was exhausted from all the pain and she needed him; he needed her.
And so after Paula had definitely fallen asleep she went in search of her son. The son she knew would be in great pain, how greater pain she soon found out when she knocked on the office door to see him asleep at his desk, his cheeks stained with his tears as he held a photo of his father in his hand. His sleeping face bore the same expression as Paula. He looked tired, tired and pained.
Aside from the fact she knew he would wake up feeling psychically pained from the position he was sleeping in, she knew he needed face a few demons whether he liked it or not and so she shook him awake. She shook him gently until he opened his eyes, her heart melted when his tired eyes focused on her just like he did when he’d been a small boy except this time he was a grown man. But he was a grown man who nonetheless needed those who loved him.
“Mum?” he whispered, his voice hoarse from the sleep and tears. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing son,” she whispered. Just before she disappeared out of his office she indicted with her finger for him to follow her. She raised her finger indicting he wasn’t to say a word as she led them into Paula’s room where she was still sleeping soundly on the bed. “I am going to sleep in your bed and make sure Alexia is ok whilst you and Paula are to share this bed. No arguments, she said, kissing his cheek softly before leaving the room, leaving him standing there in total disbelief.
He knew better than to argue with his mum. Aside from him never winning the argument, she was his mother and he’d never be so disrespectful especially after his father had died. He carefully stripped Paula down so that she was wearing her dress, he’d removed all the clunky clothing and jewellery, her shoes before he gently manoeuvred her under the covers.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered after he’d stripped down to his underwear and he too had climbed under the covers. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before turning his body so his back was facing her where he promptly fell asleep.
*
“Paula?” she turned to face Amy who was looking at her with an expression of concern. She had been staying with Amy for over five months which meant that she was currently six months pregnant with hers and Simon’s baby. Baby girl or baby boy? She didn’t know because she’d hadn’t wanted to find out. She had wanted it to be a surprise. Ever since she’d been aware of how babies were really made she’d said to herself that if she ever had a baby she would want to be unaware of her babies gender. She liked the idea of not knowing, of finding out when the baby was born.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Are you ok? I mean really ok?” Amy asked as she moved to join Paula on the sofa. “Your quiet. Almost weirdly quiet.”
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” she whispered softly in reply. “I can’t stop thinking about the father and what I must be doing to him by being here. I can’t go back right now, I know that but it just hurts so much to think that I just upped and left. I left everyone and everything that mattered to me behind! All because I couldn’t handle the fact that I had gotten knocked up by who knocked me up!”
“Come here,” Amy whispered as she pulled an almost sobbing Paula into her arms.
“He’s engaged to another woman for crying out loud! He’s engaged to another woman and he knocked me up! Yes he knocked me up before they got together but how do you tell a man who is serious with another that you, you are pregnant with his child? You can’t without causing some serious, maybe irreparable damage. Which is why I decided to do what I have done because when I return he’ll hate me so much he’ll never want to talk or see me again, which means that I won’t have to worry about him discovering my little secret,” she said, placing her hand over her stomach as her unborn child made her presence known with a swift kick.
“I’m sorry baby,” she whispered, the reality of what she’d done truly settling into her mind as her unborn baby kicked. She was depriving her child of a father.
*
She awoke slowly, wiping away the sleep from her eyes as her dream was still fresh in her mind. The dream which plagued her frequently. The dream which was a reality. “What?” she whispered as she registered the weight pressing upon her. She looked down to see that some of that reality was laying in bed with her asleep. Asleep as he had an arm wrapped around her whilst his head was nestled safely upon her breasts. Simon was in the same bed as her and he was nestled close and intimately to her.
She was puzzled for a moment until she looked up at the door to see a smiling Julie holding Alexia. She must have planned something. “She is truly a clever, clever woman.” she mused as Julie placed Alexia on Paula’s stomach where she quickly mentioned she was making breakfast before leaving the little family all on their own.
She had to stifle a laugh when Alexia spotted Simon and immediately got the look upon her face which usually meant she wanted to play but obviously Simon couldn’t play. He was asleep. A fact which was quickly rectified by Alexia who swiftly and decisively grabbed a hold of her sleeping fathers nose and pulled on it hard.
“Ow!” Simon growled in annoyance as he was rudely awakened by who he did not know. “Oh,” he whispered, his face lighting up with a smile as he spotted his baby girl staring at him, her face mirroring his smile. “Hello darling,” he smiled as she placed a swift kiss upon his cheek.
She smiled despite herself when she saw his face blush furiously once he released who he was snuggled against. She kept her face neutral despite her body yearning for his warmth to return once he moved away from her, and situated Alexia so that he was sitting against the headboard with her resting against his knees.
They were enjoying such an intimate, perfect moment. She knew that she’d never felt as happy as she did in that moment. She was happy until he spoke.
“I need to talk to her. I have to speak to her,” he said.
She never got the chance to reply as Julie shouted up the stairs telling them that breakfast was ready.
*
He was early. A rare instance he mused whilst he waited for his fiancée to arrive. Well he doesn’t know what she was to him anymore after last night. He’d taken his mother home before phoning Mezhgan asking her if they could talk. And so here he was sitting in a restaurant waiting for her to arrive.
He smiled as he noticed her walking towards him. “Hi,” he said as she took a seat opposite him. “I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for all of this. I honestly never meant to hurt you. I love you.”
“I know you do Simon but we both know that we don’t love one another enough,” Mezhgan said as she removed her sunglasses. “I just want to know one thing. Was Alexia conceived once you and I were together?”
“No,” he said. “It was one night shortly before you and I got together. I was over at Paula’s we were watching movies and drinking wine when one thing led to another. We slept together and obviously we made a baby. But that was it. I never saw her again for nine months.”
“I don’t hate you Simon. I honestly don’t but I know in my heart that this was the final nail in the coffin that was our relationship. You’ve have a child and you never told me. I was supposed to become your wife and you hid this from me. I know there is a reason why you have hidden this from me but I don’t want to hear it right now. I just want to move on with my life.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered once more.
“I know you are Simon. I know you are. I’ll continue to pretend we are an item for as long as you need us to pretend. Just know that I love you and I will always love you. Goodbye,” she whispered softly before leaving to process his thoughts alone.
*
“Where the hell is she?” he said aloud to himself as he stood in the hallway. He’d called her name expecting her to magically appear like she always did but this time there was no answer. The only sounds he could hear were coming from himself; his heavy breathing and the furious beating of his heart as it thumped rapidly against his ribs.
He raced upstairs to the room where Paula had been staying only to find it empty so he rushed in a flurry of panic to his own room which was deserted too. He was about to turn away when suddenly he spotted something on the floor by his bed. As he moved closer he saw that it was Alexia’s bear. The bear that she slept with nightly.
“They’ve gone,” he whispered brokenly. But why had they gone? Why?”
“Oh God!” The two of them sprung apart as if they were a child who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The four corners of the room were now occupied by four equally stunned people. The four of them stood silent and unsure of what to say, what to do when suddenly a small cry broke through via the baby monitor that was situated on the table by the sofa.
“Alexia,” he whispered, glancing briefly at the woman in the room before he rushed out of the room and up the stairs leaving Paula alone with Mezhgan and Julie.
She felt as if she were sitting in an interrogation room, a thousand lights shining down on her as the two woman stared silently at her, their gazes were piercing and searching for answers to the many questions that now plagued and consumed them. Mezhgan’s stare was blank, her eyes showing a little hurt as she gazed at Paula. Paula could tell that she was trying compute everything she’d just seen and heard when suddenly Simon’s voice broke through the silence.
“Daddy is here princess, so you needn’t cry any longer. Shush,” he cooed, his voice soft and loving as it took on a tone which was all too familiar to those downstairs. It was a tone they’d all heard or used. It was a tone a parent spoke in when they were speaking to a child, usually their child.
If was If she could see Mezhgan’s heart shattering and breaking inside of her as Simon appeared on the stairs, a sleepy-looking Alexia in his arms. She was softly babbling to herself, holding onto her father tightly as he descended the stairs which lead them into the living room. He moved to stand next to Paula, his gaze focused on the person who was his fiancée.
“Her name is Alexia,” he began, swallowing repeatedly. “She is… well… she is.”
“She’s our daughter,” Paula said, stepping in when she could see that he was unable to say it. Unable to break the news to his fiancée. Julie had already known about her granddaughter she’d just never met her. The risk of the world finding out, of Mezhgan finding out had been too great. “It’s not what you thin-”
“You bastard!” Mezhgan screamed hurling engagement ring, narrowly avoiding Simon as she rushed out of the house.
He stood staring at the door as Julie moved towards him, her eyes full of unshed tears as for the first time since Alexia had been born, she was here in the flesh. She was actually here. He wordlessly allowed his mother to take Alexia into her arms, to move and sit down on the sofa. He turned to watch his daughter placing a kiss upon her grandmothers cheek before she snuggled into her where she promptly fell back to sleep.
He’d shut himself off from her again she could tell by the look in his eyes or lack thereof. The second the ring had come off of Mezhgan’s finger he’d shut down again, he’d shut her out. She watched with great sadness as he made sure he was sat on the side of his mother that she wasn’t occupying.
She didn’t know what to do, what to feel or say as he excused himself citing ‘work’ and promptly shut himself away in his office. She merely nodded her head in agreement as Julie offered to put Alexia back to bed, she wasn’t really aware as Julie took her hand and led her upstairs and into her room whilst she placed Alexia back in Simon’s room.
Julir didn’t know what it was that made Paula cry but she cried. Julie watched her cry harder and longer than she’d ever seen her cry before. She was truly pained as her tears fell and fell until they could fall no more. Paula had fallen asleep after some time had passed. How much time she didn’t know but she could definitely see that Paula was exhausted from all the pain and she needed him; he needed her.
And so after Paula had definitely fallen asleep she went in search of her son. The son she knew would be in great pain, how greater pain she soon found out when she knocked on the office door to see him asleep at his desk, his cheeks stained with his tears as he held a photo of his father in his hand. His sleeping face bore the same expression as Paula. He looked tired, tired and pained.
Aside from the fact she knew he would wake up feeling psychically pained from the position he was sleeping in, she knew he needed face a few demons whether he liked it or not and so she shook him awake. She shook him gently until he opened his eyes, her heart melted when his tired eyes focused on her just like he did when he’d been a small boy except this time he was a grown man. But he was a grown man who nonetheless needed those who loved him.
“Mum?” he whispered, his voice hoarse from the sleep and tears. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing son,” she whispered. Just before she disappeared out of his office she indicted with her finger for him to follow her. She raised her finger indicting he wasn’t to say a word as she led them into Paula’s room where she was still sleeping soundly on the bed. “I am going to sleep in your bed and make sure Alexia is ok whilst you and Paula are to share this bed. No arguments, she said, kissing his cheek softly before leaving the room, leaving him standing there in total disbelief.
He knew better than to argue with his mum. Aside from him never winning the argument, she was his mother and he’d never be so disrespectful especially after his father had died. He carefully stripped Paula down so that she was wearing her dress, he’d removed all the clunky clothing and jewellery, her shoes before he gently manoeuvred her under the covers.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered after he’d stripped down to his underwear and he too had climbed under the covers. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before turning his body so his back was facing her where he promptly fell asleep.
*
“Paula?” she turned to face Amy who was looking at her with an expression of concern. She had been staying with Amy for over five months which meant that she was currently six months pregnant with hers and Simon’s baby. Baby girl or baby boy? She didn’t know because she’d hadn’t wanted to find out. She had wanted it to be a surprise. Ever since she’d been aware of how babies were really made she’d said to herself that if she ever had a baby she would want to be unaware of her babies gender. She liked the idea of not knowing, of finding out when the baby was born.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Are you ok? I mean really ok?” Amy asked as she moved to join Paula on the sofa. “Your quiet. Almost weirdly quiet.”
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” she whispered softly in reply. “I can’t stop thinking about the father and what I must be doing to him by being here. I can’t go back right now, I know that but it just hurts so much to think that I just upped and left. I left everyone and everything that mattered to me behind! All because I couldn’t handle the fact that I had gotten knocked up by who knocked me up!”
“Come here,” Amy whispered as she pulled an almost sobbing Paula into her arms.
“He’s engaged to another woman for crying out loud! He’s engaged to another woman and he knocked me up! Yes he knocked me up before they got together but how do you tell a man who is serious with another that you, you are pregnant with his child? You can’t without causing some serious, maybe irreparable damage. Which is why I decided to do what I have done because when I return he’ll hate me so much he’ll never want to talk or see me again, which means that I won’t have to worry about him discovering my little secret,” she said, placing her hand over her stomach as her unborn child made her presence known with a swift kick.
“I’m sorry baby,” she whispered, the reality of what she’d done truly settling into her mind as her unborn baby kicked. She was depriving her child of a father.
*
She awoke slowly, wiping away the sleep from her eyes as her dream was still fresh in her mind. The dream which plagued her frequently. The dream which was a reality. “What?” she whispered as she registered the weight pressing upon her. She looked down to see that some of that reality was laying in bed with her asleep. Asleep as he had an arm wrapped around her whilst his head was nestled safely upon her breasts. Simon was in the same bed as her and he was nestled close and intimately to her.
She was puzzled for a moment until she looked up at the door to see a smiling Julie holding Alexia. She must have planned something. “She is truly a clever, clever woman.” she mused as Julie placed Alexia on Paula’s stomach where she quickly mentioned she was making breakfast before leaving the little family all on their own.
She had to stifle a laugh when Alexia spotted Simon and immediately got the look upon her face which usually meant she wanted to play but obviously Simon couldn’t play. He was asleep. A fact which was quickly rectified by Alexia who swiftly and decisively grabbed a hold of her sleeping fathers nose and pulled on it hard.
“Ow!” Simon growled in annoyance as he was rudely awakened by who he did not know. “Oh,” he whispered, his face lighting up with a smile as he spotted his baby girl staring at him, her face mirroring his smile. “Hello darling,” he smiled as she placed a swift kiss upon his cheek.
She smiled despite herself when she saw his face blush furiously once he released who he was snuggled against. She kept her face neutral despite her body yearning for his warmth to return once he moved away from her, and situated Alexia so that he was sitting against the headboard with her resting against his knees.
They were enjoying such an intimate, perfect moment. She knew that she’d never felt as happy as she did in that moment. She was happy until he spoke.
“I need to talk to her. I have to speak to her,” he said.
She never got the chance to reply as Julie shouted up the stairs telling them that breakfast was ready.
*
He was early. A rare instance he mused whilst he waited for his fiancée to arrive. Well he doesn’t know what she was to him anymore after last night. He’d taken his mother home before phoning Mezhgan asking her if they could talk. And so here he was sitting in a restaurant waiting for her to arrive.
He smiled as he noticed her walking towards him. “Hi,” he said as she took a seat opposite him. “I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for all of this. I honestly never meant to hurt you. I love you.”
“I know you do Simon but we both know that we don’t love one another enough,” Mezhgan said as she removed her sunglasses. “I just want to know one thing. Was Alexia conceived once you and I were together?”
“No,” he said. “It was one night shortly before you and I got together. I was over at Paula’s we were watching movies and drinking wine when one thing led to another. We slept together and obviously we made a baby. But that was it. I never saw her again for nine months.”
“I don’t hate you Simon. I honestly don’t but I know in my heart that this was the final nail in the coffin that was our relationship. You’ve have a child and you never told me. I was supposed to become your wife and you hid this from me. I know there is a reason why you have hidden this from me but I don’t want to hear it right now. I just want to move on with my life.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered once more.
“I know you are Simon. I know you are. I’ll continue to pretend we are an item for as long as you need us to pretend. Just know that I love you and I will always love you. Goodbye,” she whispered softly before leaving to process his thoughts alone.
*
“Where the hell is she?” he said aloud to himself as he stood in the hallway. He’d called her name expecting her to magically appear like she always did but this time there was no answer. The only sounds he could hear were coming from himself; his heavy breathing and the furious beating of his heart as it thumped rapidly against his ribs.
He raced upstairs to the room where Paula had been staying only to find it empty so he rushed in a flurry of panic to his own room which was deserted too. He was about to turn away when suddenly he spotted something on the floor by his bed. As he moved closer he saw that it was Alexia’s bear. The bear that she slept with nightly.
“They’ve gone,” he whispered brokenly. But why had they gone? Why?”
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Unspoken Words
Chapter 3 -
She can still hear his words clear in her mind even though it's been so long since he said them. It's now October, he left at the beginning of June and those words are still plaguing her, plaguing her dreams. "I'm not her father!" It is like the record player is stuck but she can't figure out how to make it unstuck no matter how hard she tries too.
Never for a moment did she think that he was serious when he said what he said. That he wasn't and never would be Alexia's father. He was angry. He was the angriest and most hurt she'd ever seen him. She never thought that she would ever see him as upset as she had that day. She figured that he would cool down and then when he was ready, he would contact her. She couldn't have been more wrong. It had been nearly four months since he'd left for the start of the X-Factor and she hadn't heard a word from him.
She'd followed all the stories that had been written about him since he'd left for any indications of him telling the world what he knew; there was nothing which was something that she was entirely grateful for. The ball was entirely in his court. He could spill her secrets if he wanted to and he didn't. She'd told Randy the truth so the original Idol people who were closer than blood knew the truth. Randy had been a little pissed at her for treating Simon the way she had but at the same time he understood why she'd done it.
It was so hard keeping Alexia a secret from the world but she knew it was something that she had to do. She couldn't deal with all the questions she would get if she came clean or what they'd print about her. She knew that if she'd come clean in the first place about her pregnancy that there would be some pretty hideous articles printed about her and that was something she didn't think she could go through. There would no excess stress on her body whilst she was pregnant. She wouldn't risk her babies life and health for anyone or anything in the world.
Alexia was truly the light of her life. Even now as she gazed at the floor where Alexia was playing with her little activity gym her heart filled with love. Her heart felt as if it would burst every time she looked at her daughter because it was so full with love.
Alexia was definitely her mothers daughter. They both had such a beautiful golden complexion, the same warm smile but with a subtle differences which were only noticeable if you knew Alexia's true paternity. Her eyes were the vivid, beautiful blue you'd ever seen. She had her grandmother Julie's eyes there was no questioning that but her chin, her cheeks, her lips and her hair they were all Simon. Her lips already contorted into the most adorable pout Paula had ever seen she was already sucked right in to Alexia web and unable to refuse anything her baby wished for. Simon would be the same, she mused.
*
He was here begrudgingly at that. He was back in Los Angeles but he wanted to get as far away from Los Angeles, as far from Paula and her lies as he could be but no he was here because he had to be. He was here for business. A meeting with Fox regarding the American version of the X-Factor which was launching in the next year.
He couldn't stop thinking about them. They were always first and foremost in his mind every hour of every day. His relationship with Mezhgan was suffering hugely because of it. He never saw her something which he was weirdly grateful for. They are engaged to be married yet he is happy that she is sulking away from him. She is in LA working and spending time with her family whilst he was working in London. She does know that he is in LA for a few days but she claims to be too busy to see him. He is fine with that. No Mezhgan means no awkward or strained conversations for the few days that he was in LA. Of course he wanted to see her but things were starting to get on top of him and an argument with her was something he didn't need.
He let out a big sigh in frustration as he looked down at the mountain of paperwork sitting on his desk in front of him. He was a workaholic who loved his work but right now he couldn't stand the sight of it. He just wanted it to go away and never come back when suddenly the repugnant silence was broken. Broken by the loud ringing of his cell phone. He was a little shocked when he read the name aloud. "Wendy." Why would Wendy be calling?
"This is a new low Paula," he spat as he answered the phone. He wasn't in the mood for any of this today.
"It's not Paula. It's Wendy!" came the angry voice. "You need to come to Cedars Sini now!"
"Why?" he stuttered, shocked at the quick turn of the conversation.
"There is something really wrong with Lexi-"
"I'm coming!" he said, hanging up the phone before Wendy could finish.
He rushed to his car and sped off in the direction of the hospital. His mind was spinning, going a mile a minute as he drove. Lexi was in the hospital. Was she ill? Dying? Dead? Fine? What? He didn't know and it was sending him into a frenzy. His daughter - wait! His daughter? Yes, she was… is his daughter.
He was suddenly consumed with huge waves of guilt as the realisation that he has a daughter hits him. He has a daughter and he has missed out on so much of her life because he was too hurt and angry by her mothers actions. He has punished his daughter when she hadn't done a thing wrong.
*
His couldn't hear his own thoughts over the loudness in his head that was his thumping heartbeat as he pushed open the door to the hospital waiting room where Paula and her family were waiting. Not waiting for him but for any news on Alexia.
He stopped, pausing momentarily as he opened the doors to see the family gathered around a weeping Paula. It hurt to see her so pained. It did. He quickly snapped out of his little moment and rushed over to them. The concern for Alexia taking over him, clouding everything.
"Where is she?" he bellowed, launching himself at Paula, his voice laced with pain as he looked at her. He tried to not let the look of anguish and pain affect him.
"We'll give you two a minute," Wendy said softly as she led her mum, dad and two sons out of the waiting room.
"Paula?" he whispered.
"It was time for her dinner so I was feeding her when she suddenly she started wheezing and her face swelled. I didn't know what to do so I called Wendy who told me to take her to the hospital," she sobbed, burying her face into her hands.
He was about to reply. The words were all formed in his mouth when suddenly a doctor burst through the door and Paula shot up out of her seat, launching herself at the doctor, firing questions at him.
"Your daughter is going to be fine. She went into Anaphylactic shock so we had to inject her with Epinephrine to try and stop the anaphylactic shock. It worked. We want to keep her here overnight for observation just in case. We also need to work out why it happened so that we can try and prevent it from happening again. Has she ever shown any of the symptoms before?"
"Definitely not," she answered.
"So today was the first time that they have developed?"
"Yes."
"Has she been in contact with anything which may contain nuts?"
"Yes!" she said. "I was experimenting with new foods for her. Her dinner tonight definitely had crushed nuts in it. Oh God. This is my fault," she whispered as she sat back down on her chair, totally shut off.
"Does my daughter have a nut allergy?" Simon asked.
"It looks that way Mr Cowell. We'll run some more tests to see."
"Can we see her?" he asked.
"Yes but please make it no more than two at a time. This way," the doctor instructed.
She smiled slightly despite the situation when she felt him linking their fingers together as they followed the doctor to the Paediatric ward where Alexia was. She could have pushed him away, screamed and yelled at him, made a scene as they were led to their daughter but she didn't. She didn't want to. He was here that was all she needed.
She fought the urge to cry as they entered the ward where she immediately spotted Alexia laying in her bed, kicking her little feet up in the air as she watched the mobile. It took her a few moments to notice as she stood by the crib watching her daughter that Simon wasn't stood anywhere them. "Why are you standing so far away?" she asked as she turned to face him unprepared to see the fear and guilt written across his face. "Simon," she whispered.
"She doesn't know who I am. I don't want to scare her," he whispered as he looked down at the floor.
"You're her daddy. She knows that. Come here." He didn't move. "Come on," she whispered as she held her hand out for him to take. She smiled when she watched him taking the hand she offered and walked hesitantly closer to the crib. "Talk to her."
"Hi," he whispered bashfully as Alexia turned her attention from the mobile to him and their eyes locked. Father and daughter stared at one another. It was as if there was no one else in existence. It was just the two of them and suddenly he felt as if the walls were closing in on him, he couldn't breathe. He had to get out of there. "I can't do this," he whispered as he turned and ran out of the room, ignoring the cry which escaped Alexia's mouth at the sight of her father running from her.
*
"Simon." he lifted his head at the sound of his name. He looked up to see Wendy standing in front of him with what smelled like a cup of Earl Grey tea. "For you," she said, handing it to him before taking a seat next to him. He was sitting out on the private balcony away from prying eyes and ears.
"Thanks," he mumbled before taking a sip, sighing in appreciation as the familiar warm liquid flowed past his lips. Just a simple beverage, a taste of home helped to take just a small part of his pain and anxiety away. "Here to scream at me?" he whispered hoarsely.
"No. I came to see how you were. Paula was really worried when you ran out like that after all it's taken to get you here," Wendy replied.
"Don't start on that," his hissed softly.
"Why did you leave?" she asked, changing the topic.
"I couldn't breathe. I felt suffocated. She nearly died and I've spent less than five minutes with her in her whole life."
"You were hurt. I would be. And yes she is my sister and I love her beyond words but I cannot even begin to imagine what you must have been feeling. I know it doesn't make up for you not being there and being able see it first hand but we have everything on video. Paula had them made in case you got in contact. Do you want me to get them and take them over to your house?" she asked.
"Please," he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. "Please."
"I'll do it when I get home. Now let's go and see your daughter. She misses you terribly," she said, standing so that she could hold a hand for Simon.
"Let's go see my little girl," he whispered, a smile gracing his lips.
She can still hear his words clear in her mind even though it's been so long since he said them. It's now October, he left at the beginning of June and those words are still plaguing her, plaguing her dreams. "I'm not her father!" It is like the record player is stuck but she can't figure out how to make it unstuck no matter how hard she tries too.
Never for a moment did she think that he was serious when he said what he said. That he wasn't and never would be Alexia's father. He was angry. He was the angriest and most hurt she'd ever seen him. She never thought that she would ever see him as upset as she had that day. She figured that he would cool down and then when he was ready, he would contact her. She couldn't have been more wrong. It had been nearly four months since he'd left for the start of the X-Factor and she hadn't heard a word from him.
She'd followed all the stories that had been written about him since he'd left for any indications of him telling the world what he knew; there was nothing which was something that she was entirely grateful for. The ball was entirely in his court. He could spill her secrets if he wanted to and he didn't. She'd told Randy the truth so the original Idol people who were closer than blood knew the truth. Randy had been a little pissed at her for treating Simon the way she had but at the same time he understood why she'd done it.
It was so hard keeping Alexia a secret from the world but she knew it was something that she had to do. She couldn't deal with all the questions she would get if she came clean or what they'd print about her. She knew that if she'd come clean in the first place about her pregnancy that there would be some pretty hideous articles printed about her and that was something she didn't think she could go through. There would no excess stress on her body whilst she was pregnant. She wouldn't risk her babies life and health for anyone or anything in the world.
Alexia was truly the light of her life. Even now as she gazed at the floor where Alexia was playing with her little activity gym her heart filled with love. Her heart felt as if it would burst every time she looked at her daughter because it was so full with love.
Alexia was definitely her mothers daughter. They both had such a beautiful golden complexion, the same warm smile but with a subtle differences which were only noticeable if you knew Alexia's true paternity. Her eyes were the vivid, beautiful blue you'd ever seen. She had her grandmother Julie's eyes there was no questioning that but her chin, her cheeks, her lips and her hair they were all Simon. Her lips already contorted into the most adorable pout Paula had ever seen she was already sucked right in to Alexia web and unable to refuse anything her baby wished for. Simon would be the same, she mused.
*
He was here begrudgingly at that. He was back in Los Angeles but he wanted to get as far away from Los Angeles, as far from Paula and her lies as he could be but no he was here because he had to be. He was here for business. A meeting with Fox regarding the American version of the X-Factor which was launching in the next year.
He couldn't stop thinking about them. They were always first and foremost in his mind every hour of every day. His relationship with Mezhgan was suffering hugely because of it. He never saw her something which he was weirdly grateful for. They are engaged to be married yet he is happy that she is sulking away from him. She is in LA working and spending time with her family whilst he was working in London. She does know that he is in LA for a few days but she claims to be too busy to see him. He is fine with that. No Mezhgan means no awkward or strained conversations for the few days that he was in LA. Of course he wanted to see her but things were starting to get on top of him and an argument with her was something he didn't need.
He let out a big sigh in frustration as he looked down at the mountain of paperwork sitting on his desk in front of him. He was a workaholic who loved his work but right now he couldn't stand the sight of it. He just wanted it to go away and never come back when suddenly the repugnant silence was broken. Broken by the loud ringing of his cell phone. He was a little shocked when he read the name aloud. "Wendy." Why would Wendy be calling?
"This is a new low Paula," he spat as he answered the phone. He wasn't in the mood for any of this today.
"It's not Paula. It's Wendy!" came the angry voice. "You need to come to Cedars Sini now!"
"Why?" he stuttered, shocked at the quick turn of the conversation.
"There is something really wrong with Lexi-"
"I'm coming!" he said, hanging up the phone before Wendy could finish.
He rushed to his car and sped off in the direction of the hospital. His mind was spinning, going a mile a minute as he drove. Lexi was in the hospital. Was she ill? Dying? Dead? Fine? What? He didn't know and it was sending him into a frenzy. His daughter - wait! His daughter? Yes, she was… is his daughter.
He was suddenly consumed with huge waves of guilt as the realisation that he has a daughter hits him. He has a daughter and he has missed out on so much of her life because he was too hurt and angry by her mothers actions. He has punished his daughter when she hadn't done a thing wrong.
*
His couldn't hear his own thoughts over the loudness in his head that was his thumping heartbeat as he pushed open the door to the hospital waiting room where Paula and her family were waiting. Not waiting for him but for any news on Alexia.
He stopped, pausing momentarily as he opened the doors to see the family gathered around a weeping Paula. It hurt to see her so pained. It did. He quickly snapped out of his little moment and rushed over to them. The concern for Alexia taking over him, clouding everything.
"Where is she?" he bellowed, launching himself at Paula, his voice laced with pain as he looked at her. He tried to not let the look of anguish and pain affect him.
"We'll give you two a minute," Wendy said softly as she led her mum, dad and two sons out of the waiting room.
"Paula?" he whispered.
"It was time for her dinner so I was feeding her when she suddenly she started wheezing and her face swelled. I didn't know what to do so I called Wendy who told me to take her to the hospital," she sobbed, burying her face into her hands.
He was about to reply. The words were all formed in his mouth when suddenly a doctor burst through the door and Paula shot up out of her seat, launching herself at the doctor, firing questions at him.
"Your daughter is going to be fine. She went into Anaphylactic shock so we had to inject her with Epinephrine to try and stop the anaphylactic shock. It worked. We want to keep her here overnight for observation just in case. We also need to work out why it happened so that we can try and prevent it from happening again. Has she ever shown any of the symptoms before?"
"Definitely not," she answered.
"So today was the first time that they have developed?"
"Yes."
"Has she been in contact with anything which may contain nuts?"
"Yes!" she said. "I was experimenting with new foods for her. Her dinner tonight definitely had crushed nuts in it. Oh God. This is my fault," she whispered as she sat back down on her chair, totally shut off.
"Does my daughter have a nut allergy?" Simon asked.
"It looks that way Mr Cowell. We'll run some more tests to see."
"Can we see her?" he asked.
"Yes but please make it no more than two at a time. This way," the doctor instructed.
She smiled slightly despite the situation when she felt him linking their fingers together as they followed the doctor to the Paediatric ward where Alexia was. She could have pushed him away, screamed and yelled at him, made a scene as they were led to their daughter but she didn't. She didn't want to. He was here that was all she needed.
She fought the urge to cry as they entered the ward where she immediately spotted Alexia laying in her bed, kicking her little feet up in the air as she watched the mobile. It took her a few moments to notice as she stood by the crib watching her daughter that Simon wasn't stood anywhere them. "Why are you standing so far away?" she asked as she turned to face him unprepared to see the fear and guilt written across his face. "Simon," she whispered.
"She doesn't know who I am. I don't want to scare her," he whispered as he looked down at the floor.
"You're her daddy. She knows that. Come here." He didn't move. "Come on," she whispered as she held her hand out for him to take. She smiled when she watched him taking the hand she offered and walked hesitantly closer to the crib. "Talk to her."
"Hi," he whispered bashfully as Alexia turned her attention from the mobile to him and their eyes locked. Father and daughter stared at one another. It was as if there was no one else in existence. It was just the two of them and suddenly he felt as if the walls were closing in on him, he couldn't breathe. He had to get out of there. "I can't do this," he whispered as he turned and ran out of the room, ignoring the cry which escaped Alexia's mouth at the sight of her father running from her.
*
"Simon." he lifted his head at the sound of his name. He looked up to see Wendy standing in front of him with what smelled like a cup of Earl Grey tea. "For you," she said, handing it to him before taking a seat next to him. He was sitting out on the private balcony away from prying eyes and ears.
"Thanks," he mumbled before taking a sip, sighing in appreciation as the familiar warm liquid flowed past his lips. Just a simple beverage, a taste of home helped to take just a small part of his pain and anxiety away. "Here to scream at me?" he whispered hoarsely.
"No. I came to see how you were. Paula was really worried when you ran out like that after all it's taken to get you here," Wendy replied.
"Don't start on that," his hissed softly.
"Why did you leave?" she asked, changing the topic.
"I couldn't breathe. I felt suffocated. She nearly died and I've spent less than five minutes with her in her whole life."
"You were hurt. I would be. And yes she is my sister and I love her beyond words but I cannot even begin to imagine what you must have been feeling. I know it doesn't make up for you not being there and being able see it first hand but we have everything on video. Paula had them made in case you got in contact. Do you want me to get them and take them over to your house?" she asked.
"Please," he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. "Please."
"I'll do it when I get home. Now let's go and see your daughter. She misses you terribly," she said, standing so that she could hold a hand for Simon.
"Let's go see my little girl," he whispered, a smile gracing his lips.
Friday, 29 October 2010
Unspoken Words
Chapter 2.
He can feel her looking up at him. Her eyes are filled with tears as she does her eyes are burning into him but he can’t look at her, he just can’t. His eyes, his gaze is transfixed on her arms, on the little bundle who lay there as she slept softly. He watched as she nuzzled into her mother and let out a little sigh in her sleep.
She looked so much like Paula. He could tell this only from seeing her face. Her little face was pinched in sleep, her breathes so cute and wispy. He was unable to move. He couldn’t look away from the little girl even as Paula stood from the rocking chair and placed her in the small, pink crib which was situated across the room.
“Simon,” he looked down at his feet as he heard her whisper his name whilst she walked closer to him. Closer to him after all that time apart. He couldn’t look at her because if he did then he would be forced to admit that this was all real. It wasn’t a dream that she really had left him, that she’d vanished for a year with no word at all as too whether she was safe and well or not.
She was a mother. She’d become a mother and she’d not told him. That fact made him feel as if someone had taken a hammer to his heart and shattered it in one fail swoop. He wasn’t feeling anything. She’d always been the one who pulled so many of his strings and today was no exception. Even after a year of no contact between them she still had such an impact over him.
“Her name is Alexia Grace Abdul. She was born the on the first of May this year in my friends bed. I was in Alaska. That is where I have been the whole time. I went into labour and it progressed so quickly that there was no time for my friend to take me to a hospital. It would have taken us at least half an hour to get that and it seems that Lexi didn’t want to wait that long. Her name means warrior in Greek. Her father is no one. It was just a one night stand which had consequences. And before you say it yes, I know I don’t do one night stands.”
He was going to speak. He was going to say something. He was. He was until they heard Ryan’s voice behind him, shocked and stunned by what he saw in front of him.
“Whose that?” he asked. “What’s going?” he asked, his gaze darting from Paula and Simon and back again.
She watched as Simon looked at her briefly in the eye before turning to face Ryan where he uttered the words: “She’s had a baby without us Ryan. Let’s go.” She would have cried as she watched the two of them turn and walk away from her but no she had more important things to do because the noise had startled her baby girl from her sleep.
*
“What am I going to do Wendy? He hates me!” she wailed as she entered the kitchen where Wendy was waiting with coffee once she’d made sure the door to the nursery was shut and the baby monitor was safe in her hand. “I’ve text him and text him and text him till I am blue in the face! Does he reply? No, he doesn’t!”
“What do you want me to say?” Wendy replied. “We all had to completely cut him out of our lives because you’d gotten knocked up and decided to run away!”
“You know why I left! You know the reason and why it mustn’t come out!” She sparred back as she fought her tears.
“Yes,” Wendy whispered, her voice absent from the hard edge it had possessed just moments before. “I know why and I’m not judging you. But you have no idea what it was like for us pretending that we knew nothing, cutting him and Ryan out the way we did. It was horrible. You left with no reason, no word. No, nothing. They knew nothing. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for him and Ryan when you were gone. Simon thought you were dead. The look on his face when he whispered that will forever be imprinted into my head. So I think it is understandable that neither of them wants to speak to you but at least neither has gone to the press about Lexi,” Wendy finished with a big sigh emanating from her lips. She felt so guilty about saying it but she needed to say it.
“I know. I know. I understand. It just hurts that they won’t speak to me. I honestly half-expected them all to rush at me and never let me go when they found out that I was back, but then the other part of me knew they would react like this. I knew they’d hate me. Well at least Randy still loves me. He came round when mum had taken Lexi for a few hours so he doesn’t know. I told him I needed time out so I went away to work on some songs. I just miss him. I miss Simon,” she whispered, her voice shaking as she touched the locket around her neck. The locket that Simon had given her the Christmas before her last Idol season aired.
“I know you do. I know you do Hun. But what’s done is done. You have to let them adjust to what they both know. Let them deal with it in their own. Besides you’ve got the finale next week. You can see him next week and Ryan. Anyways give Lexi a kiss from me I got to go. Bye,” she said, pausing as she kissed her sister on the cheek before making a swift exit.
*
“To serve with love.”
She couldn’t believe how quickly the night had flown. She couldn’t ignore the rush of happiness which had flooded through her when the two of them were reunited. Especially when she came to sit on his lap and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her like he used to before when he could still stomach the sight of her.
They’d pretended like the true actors they were. The media was buzzing with news of ‘Saula.’ People were literally foaming at the mouth after the Idol finale. She’d seen some of the forums and it broke her heart to know the truth. She wished for just a moment that she could be as blissfully ignorant as everyone else and to believe that ‘Saula’ was alive and kicking.
The one good thing about all of this was Alexia. She loved her baby girl more than anything in this world. She truly was the light of her life and despite the way things had turned she wouldn’t change any of it because if she did then she wouldn’t have her baby girl; she wouldn’t have Alexia.
*
“Simon you have got to let it go,” Ryan pleaded once more.
“I can’t let it go!” he yelled. “She’s lying to me and I want to know the truth. Paula never ever has one night stands. Ever. So why now? There is more to the story and I want to know what it is.”
“What about your fiancée? Hmm?? What about Mezhgan Simon? She is supposed to be the ’one’ and yet you are obsessed with another woman! You have feelings for Paula don’t you? Mezhgan is nothing more than a distraction so that you don’t have to face what you are really feeling, isn’t she? Admit it!” Ryan yelled as he saw the look of anger on Simon’s face. He’d quite clearly hit a nerve.
“There is nothing to admit. I have to get through some paper work before I fly back to England tomorrow so I’d appreciate it if you left,” Simon snarled as he focused his attention back to his desk.
“Grow the fuck up Simon!” Ryan snapped before he complied with Simon’s wishes and left. Except Simon didn’t know that Ryan was leaving because he had to be in a different place.
*
“Paula, Paula,” he whispered once he stepped quietly into her hallway. He knew the baby might be asleep and so he didn’t want to disturb her so he decided that whispering might be his best bet. He’d only seen a glance of Alexia and it had left him disturbed. There was something familiar about the little girl but he couldn’t work out what.
Simon’s slip of words was still playing on his mind. ‘She didn’t even tell me she was leaving especially after -’ After what he wondered. He hadn’t dared ask Simon about it again considering the reaction he’d gotten for asking in the first place. It hadn’t stopped him thinking about it, what it could be.
“Paula,” he whispered once more as he headed into the living room only to find her asleep on the sofa. The TV was on in the background. He smiled at the thought her falling asleep whilst watching a movie. Some chick flick by the look of it. “Paula,” he whispered as he knelt beside her and shook her shoulder softly so she awakened.
“Ryan what are you doing here?” she asked, covering her mouth as she yawned before stretching and sitting up.
“I want to know the truth. I know that both you and Simon are lying about something, particularly you and I want to know what. I know that you weren’t telling the truth about Alexia’s father being a one night stand. Simon is convinced you are lying and I believe him.”
“I’m not lying!” she protested. He knows she’s lying because she refuses to look him in the eyes. She is looking at her arms whilst she fiddles with a piece of material to her sleeve. “I’m not lying!” She protested once more when she looks up to see him staring at her, the look on his face telling her that he doesn’t believe a word she is saying and why should he when she’s not telling the truth.
“Don’t treat me like I am some kind of idiot. Why do you have to keep lying to me? To us? Why? I know something happened between the two of you and I want to know what so tell me and stop lying!”
“Ok,” she whispered as she finally looked him in the eye. “I lied. I lied. I lied. I lied!” she said sobbing.
“Paula?” he asked softly.
“It was a one night stand. That part is at least true but the part where I said I didn’t know the identity of the father well that is a lie. I know who the father is.”
“Who?” he asked after she’d stayed quiet too long.
“Simon,” she whispered. “Simon is the father. The fantastic Simon Phillip Cowell knocked me up after a one night stand!” she spat angrily.
“I don’t understand,” he replied as he moved closer to her on the sofa.
“We had sex and he wasn’t single! I mean it just happened. He was over here, we were drinking wine and watching a movie. Then it just happened. It was like we were the only two people in the world but then the morning came along with the real world. I woke up all wrapped in his arms. It was like something out of a fairytale. It was perfect but then his phone rang. It was her. His girlfriend well no she’s his fiancée now. We didn’t say a word to one another whilst he was leaving. Three weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I had to leave. I don’t know why but I did. So I called my friend Amy who lives up in Alaska and asked if I could stay with her. She said yes so I cancelled all my commitments and off I went.”
“Simon!” she gasped loudly as the two of them turned to the archway only to see Simon standing there. His eyes were ablaze with anger and hurt. Had he heard everything? “What did you hear?” she asked as she stood and made a few steps over to him.
He says nothing. He merely opens up his wallet before taking out some bills and throwing them at her. “I’m not her father! Don’t you dare reveal this to anyone! I never will be a father!”
“Simon!” she screams as she falls into Ryan’s arms in tears. “He’s gone and he isn’t coming back!”
He can feel her looking up at him. Her eyes are filled with tears as she does her eyes are burning into him but he can’t look at her, he just can’t. His eyes, his gaze is transfixed on her arms, on the little bundle who lay there as she slept softly. He watched as she nuzzled into her mother and let out a little sigh in her sleep.
She looked so much like Paula. He could tell this only from seeing her face. Her little face was pinched in sleep, her breathes so cute and wispy. He was unable to move. He couldn’t look away from the little girl even as Paula stood from the rocking chair and placed her in the small, pink crib which was situated across the room.
“Simon,” he looked down at his feet as he heard her whisper his name whilst she walked closer to him. Closer to him after all that time apart. He couldn’t look at her because if he did then he would be forced to admit that this was all real. It wasn’t a dream that she really had left him, that she’d vanished for a year with no word at all as too whether she was safe and well or not.
She was a mother. She’d become a mother and she’d not told him. That fact made him feel as if someone had taken a hammer to his heart and shattered it in one fail swoop. He wasn’t feeling anything. She’d always been the one who pulled so many of his strings and today was no exception. Even after a year of no contact between them she still had such an impact over him.
“Her name is Alexia Grace Abdul. She was born the on the first of May this year in my friends bed. I was in Alaska. That is where I have been the whole time. I went into labour and it progressed so quickly that there was no time for my friend to take me to a hospital. It would have taken us at least half an hour to get that and it seems that Lexi didn’t want to wait that long. Her name means warrior in Greek. Her father is no one. It was just a one night stand which had consequences. And before you say it yes, I know I don’t do one night stands.”
He was going to speak. He was going to say something. He was. He was until they heard Ryan’s voice behind him, shocked and stunned by what he saw in front of him.
“Whose that?” he asked. “What’s going?” he asked, his gaze darting from Paula and Simon and back again.
She watched as Simon looked at her briefly in the eye before turning to face Ryan where he uttered the words: “She’s had a baby without us Ryan. Let’s go.” She would have cried as she watched the two of them turn and walk away from her but no she had more important things to do because the noise had startled her baby girl from her sleep.
*
“What am I going to do Wendy? He hates me!” she wailed as she entered the kitchen where Wendy was waiting with coffee once she’d made sure the door to the nursery was shut and the baby monitor was safe in her hand. “I’ve text him and text him and text him till I am blue in the face! Does he reply? No, he doesn’t!”
“What do you want me to say?” Wendy replied. “We all had to completely cut him out of our lives because you’d gotten knocked up and decided to run away!”
“You know why I left! You know the reason and why it mustn’t come out!” She sparred back as she fought her tears.
“Yes,” Wendy whispered, her voice absent from the hard edge it had possessed just moments before. “I know why and I’m not judging you. But you have no idea what it was like for us pretending that we knew nothing, cutting him and Ryan out the way we did. It was horrible. You left with no reason, no word. No, nothing. They knew nothing. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for him and Ryan when you were gone. Simon thought you were dead. The look on his face when he whispered that will forever be imprinted into my head. So I think it is understandable that neither of them wants to speak to you but at least neither has gone to the press about Lexi,” Wendy finished with a big sigh emanating from her lips. She felt so guilty about saying it but she needed to say it.
“I know. I know. I understand. It just hurts that they won’t speak to me. I honestly half-expected them all to rush at me and never let me go when they found out that I was back, but then the other part of me knew they would react like this. I knew they’d hate me. Well at least Randy still loves me. He came round when mum had taken Lexi for a few hours so he doesn’t know. I told him I needed time out so I went away to work on some songs. I just miss him. I miss Simon,” she whispered, her voice shaking as she touched the locket around her neck. The locket that Simon had given her the Christmas before her last Idol season aired.
“I know you do. I know you do Hun. But what’s done is done. You have to let them adjust to what they both know. Let them deal with it in their own. Besides you’ve got the finale next week. You can see him next week and Ryan. Anyways give Lexi a kiss from me I got to go. Bye,” she said, pausing as she kissed her sister on the cheek before making a swift exit.
*
“To serve with love.”
She couldn’t believe how quickly the night had flown. She couldn’t ignore the rush of happiness which had flooded through her when the two of them were reunited. Especially when she came to sit on his lap and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her like he used to before when he could still stomach the sight of her.
They’d pretended like the true actors they were. The media was buzzing with news of ‘Saula.’ People were literally foaming at the mouth after the Idol finale. She’d seen some of the forums and it broke her heart to know the truth. She wished for just a moment that she could be as blissfully ignorant as everyone else and to believe that ‘Saula’ was alive and kicking.
The one good thing about all of this was Alexia. She loved her baby girl more than anything in this world. She truly was the light of her life and despite the way things had turned she wouldn’t change any of it because if she did then she wouldn’t have her baby girl; she wouldn’t have Alexia.
*
“Simon you have got to let it go,” Ryan pleaded once more.
“I can’t let it go!” he yelled. “She’s lying to me and I want to know the truth. Paula never ever has one night stands. Ever. So why now? There is more to the story and I want to know what it is.”
“What about your fiancée? Hmm?? What about Mezhgan Simon? She is supposed to be the ’one’ and yet you are obsessed with another woman! You have feelings for Paula don’t you? Mezhgan is nothing more than a distraction so that you don’t have to face what you are really feeling, isn’t she? Admit it!” Ryan yelled as he saw the look of anger on Simon’s face. He’d quite clearly hit a nerve.
“There is nothing to admit. I have to get through some paper work before I fly back to England tomorrow so I’d appreciate it if you left,” Simon snarled as he focused his attention back to his desk.
“Grow the fuck up Simon!” Ryan snapped before he complied with Simon’s wishes and left. Except Simon didn’t know that Ryan was leaving because he had to be in a different place.
*
“Paula, Paula,” he whispered once he stepped quietly into her hallway. He knew the baby might be asleep and so he didn’t want to disturb her so he decided that whispering might be his best bet. He’d only seen a glance of Alexia and it had left him disturbed. There was something familiar about the little girl but he couldn’t work out what.
Simon’s slip of words was still playing on his mind. ‘She didn’t even tell me she was leaving especially after -’ After what he wondered. He hadn’t dared ask Simon about it again considering the reaction he’d gotten for asking in the first place. It hadn’t stopped him thinking about it, what it could be.
“Paula,” he whispered once more as he headed into the living room only to find her asleep on the sofa. The TV was on in the background. He smiled at the thought her falling asleep whilst watching a movie. Some chick flick by the look of it. “Paula,” he whispered as he knelt beside her and shook her shoulder softly so she awakened.
“Ryan what are you doing here?” she asked, covering her mouth as she yawned before stretching and sitting up.
“I want to know the truth. I know that both you and Simon are lying about something, particularly you and I want to know what. I know that you weren’t telling the truth about Alexia’s father being a one night stand. Simon is convinced you are lying and I believe him.”
“I’m not lying!” she protested. He knows she’s lying because she refuses to look him in the eyes. She is looking at her arms whilst she fiddles with a piece of material to her sleeve. “I’m not lying!” She protested once more when she looks up to see him staring at her, the look on his face telling her that he doesn’t believe a word she is saying and why should he when she’s not telling the truth.
“Don’t treat me like I am some kind of idiot. Why do you have to keep lying to me? To us? Why? I know something happened between the two of you and I want to know what so tell me and stop lying!”
“Ok,” she whispered as she finally looked him in the eye. “I lied. I lied. I lied. I lied!” she said sobbing.
“Paula?” he asked softly.
“It was a one night stand. That part is at least true but the part where I said I didn’t know the identity of the father well that is a lie. I know who the father is.”
“Who?” he asked after she’d stayed quiet too long.
“Simon,” she whispered. “Simon is the father. The fantastic Simon Phillip Cowell knocked me up after a one night stand!” she spat angrily.
“I don’t understand,” he replied as he moved closer to her on the sofa.
“We had sex and he wasn’t single! I mean it just happened. He was over here, we were drinking wine and watching a movie. Then it just happened. It was like we were the only two people in the world but then the morning came along with the real world. I woke up all wrapped in his arms. It was like something out of a fairytale. It was perfect but then his phone rang. It was her. His girlfriend well no she’s his fiancée now. We didn’t say a word to one another whilst he was leaving. Three weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I had to leave. I don’t know why but I did. So I called my friend Amy who lives up in Alaska and asked if I could stay with her. She said yes so I cancelled all my commitments and off I went.”
“Simon!” she gasped loudly as the two of them turned to the archway only to see Simon standing there. His eyes were ablaze with anger and hurt. Had he heard everything? “What did you hear?” she asked as she stood and made a few steps over to him.
He says nothing. He merely opens up his wallet before taking out some bills and throwing them at her. “I’m not her father! Don’t you dare reveal this to anyone! I never will be a father!”
“Simon!” she screams as she falls into Ryan’s arms in tears. “He’s gone and he isn’t coming back!”
Thursday, 28 October 2010
Unspoken Words
Chapter 1.
You could a pin drop, every breath in and every exhale as the sudden and deafening silence that filled the room like dark, poisonous cloud. He could literally hear as if he were a machine, the internal cogs wiring around inside of him at the speed of a mile a minute whilst he sat in the bed his mind reliving the news of her return over and over again.
She's returned. He should be overjoyed that she is back. That she is alive, safe and well but no he isn't; he's angry and in disbelief. He doesn't believe what he just heard and saw. His mind must be playing tricks on him. Maybe his age is finally catching up with him or something. Better yet this must be a nightmare. Some sick trick that his subconscious has decided to play on him because she is here. She never left. None of this is real. None of it.
He saw his mind flying back. Flying back to the past of moments already gone. He saw her leaning over him after she'd barged through his dressing room door intent on apologising to him for her outburst on air regarding his father and what happened after.
*
He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't cry because he couldn't cry. He was numb. He felt nothing as he sat and stared out of his dressing room window watching the city below him burned brightly, the people, the places all alive continuing their lives totally unaware of his pained stare from above.
He was still here, still sat in his dressing room numbed, totally numbed and unable to leave. There was something, through his numbed haze he didn't know what, was compelling him to stay and not leave. He couldn't leave, he was uncertain as to whether he wanted to leave or not. He just didn't know.
He just didn't know as he kept hearing her voice over and over again in his head. It took him a while to realise that her voice wasn't in his head, it was real and in the same room as him; she was here. She was here with him.
"Simon," he shuddered as he heard her soft whisper behind him, her hand on his shoulder, her touch burning through his clothes, scorching his skin.
He opened his mouth to speak but no words were formed. His mouth moved in a silent motion before he brought his lips together pursing them tightly whilst his face conveyed an expression of little or no emotion. Her voice filled him with emotion, the feeling of total numbness seemed to change and transform.
"Simon," she repeated, her voice a little stronger than before as she moved to sit next to him on the sofa. Her line of vision the same as his whilst he continued to gaze out the window. "I'm sorry. I didn't know about your dad. I honestly didn't," she sighed. "I guess there is a lot that I don't know about you huh? Simon say something. Anything please?" His silence was deafening, worrying as the two sat in total silence.
"Who told you?" she turned her head to the source of the whisper. He was looking at her. His eyes filled with unshed tears, his jaw tightly set, his body tense. He was staring at her and she found it very unnerving, so uncomfortable. She could feel herself trying not to squirm to show that he wasn't affecting her as he stared at her with a painful stare. "Who told you?" he said again, his voice stern and angry.
"Nigel. Nigel told me," she replied, her gaze lowered to her legs as she addressed him. "After you left he pulled me aside and he told me everything. Simon I'm so sorry. You've no idea how sorry I am for what I said and when I said it."
"Sorry!" he scoffed. He stood and moved over to the window before turning to her his eyes were ablaze with anger and what looked like betrayal. "Sorry! You aren't sorry! You don't know the meaning of the word. You hate me. I've belittled you for months and you've been waiting for your revenge. Well congratulations because tonight you finally succeeded. You finally hurt me more than I ever hurt you, I suspect. So please, I'd like it if you and your pity would leave me alone now. I said GO!" he screamed when she remained in her spot, unmoving, her eyes, her gaze was now focused on him.
"No!" she said, sparring back at him.
"I said GO! Why won't you go?" he questioned as he turned to face the window, trying to ignore her to get the message and to leave him alone. He'd be fine once he'd had a little time to calm down.
"Because Simon you need me. Look at you! I can see what my words are doing to you and it really hurts me to know that it was me who caused you this pain. Except I snapped and said what I said not meaning to cause you any pain whereas you meant to hurt me!" she screamed, her voice full of her built-up emotion. "Every time you made me cry, you meant it!
"You bitch!" he screamed, his voice full of rage as he moved across the room and pushed her up against the wall, his lips covering hers in a hot, passionate kiss. He moaned loudly into her mouth as she moved to wrap her legs tightly around his waist pulling him closer to her, her pelvis crushed sensually against his whilst he thrust his tongue into her mouth, his hands falling to ass.
"Oh God!" she moaned aloud as she felt the air hitting her chest as he swiftly pushed her top up and bared her to him; she wasn't wearing a bra. His mouth roughly came down on her and bit down hard before he used his tongue to sooth her.
Before she knew it she let out a scream as he thrust his rock hard erection into her wet, heaving womanhood. Both applied all the hurt pain into their movements; the clenching of her walls, the angle and thrust of his hips left them both screaming, yearning for more as it brought them closer and closer to the edge.
*
He remembered how afterwards when they come down from their high and redressed that she had slapped him across the face before leaving him alone in his dressing room. It had also been the day when things had changed between them. It had almost been as if that one comment and it's consequences had actually had a positive effect because it had brought them so much closer together.
"I'm coming to get you!" he said into the phone before hanging up. He needed to get dressed. There was no way he could go out in his current state of dress or lack there of.
"Where are you going? Simon!" Mezhgan screamed as Simon rushed out of the room with his keys, phone and Kools in hand. "Simon!" she screamed once more as he completely ignored her. She suspected that it had something to do with what Paula's return. Her return from what she didn't know.
*
"What the hell is going on?" Ryan asked as Simon pulled out of the driveway and sped off down the road at a speed which Ryan knew to be illegal.
"She's back! You saw!" Simon snapped in reply, his eyes focused on the road ahead of him as he successfully sped through the streets of Los Angeles towards the nearest entrance to the freeway. "How the hell can she just reappear after all this time? What the fuck is wrong with her? Who the hell does she think she fucking us around like this, huh?"
"Slow down!" Ryan screamed as he glanced over at the Speedo and so it was well over 120. "Your going to bloody kill us! How are we supposed to find out what the fuck is going on with her if we are dead?" he let out a sigh of relief as he saw the arrow on the Speedo fall, indicating that Simon had dramatically reduced their speed so that they were just going the limit.
"I'm sorry," Simon whispered, his voice so soft that Ryan nearly missed it. "I've missed her. It's been killing me not knowing what the hell is going on. Where she is? If she was ok or was she injured or dead? I knew nothing and it nearly tore me up inside. I missed my poodle so excuse me for being just a little pissed to turn on my TV and find that she is back. She's back and she didn't tell me. She didn't even tell me she was leaving especially after -"
"After what?" Ryan cut in before Simon had the chance to retract his words. The words that Ryan could quite clearly tell by the look on Simon's face that he hadn't meant to say. They had been a quite accidental slip of the tongue. "After what Simon?"
"Nothing. It was nothing Ryan so just drop it and pretend that you never heard anything, ok?" Simon replied, his voice strained as he spoke showing to Ryan that is quite clearly wasn't 'nothing' but Ryan knew not to press him especially now.
The rest of the journey was spent in an awkward silence as they continued to speed through the streets of Los Angeles which lead them to her house. The house she still owned. Neither knew what to say or if they actually wanted to say anything at all.
Ryan knew there was more to the relationship between Simon and Paula than even their close friends knew but it was one of the things which should always remain private between Simon and Paula. One of those things which are always kept secret and never revealed.
"Someone's home," Ryan snapped out of his revere when he heard Simon's whisper. He realised the car had come to a stop. They'd arrived; they were at her house and clearly someone was home because the curtains were opened which was unusual seeing as they'd been closed for nearly a year since she'd vanished.
"I'll search downstairs and you search upstairs," Ryan said softly after Simon had fished the front door key she'd given them out of his pocket. Years ago Paula had given Ryan, Randy and Simon a key each and the code to her house if ever there was an emergency; this was an emergency.
He could feel his heart pound violently in his chest, his heartbeat loud and deafening in his ears as he watched Ryan disappear from view and into the kitchen whilst he slowly ascended the stairs to the first floor of her home. The floor where it happened. No, nothing happened he wouldn't be thinking about that anymore. He couldn't.
"God," he whispered softly as he reached the top of the stairs. He felt like such a criminal as he snuck into her house to try and find her. He felt as if he was going to wake up any minute because this was all one big, horrible dream.
"What?" he whispered as he came to a complete stop. He heard something; something which sounded so, so familiar to him. Something that he hadn't heard in so long; someone was singing. He rushed towards the sound eager to find out what it was.
He opened the door to what was her spare bedroom and he wished he hadn't. He wished from that particular moment he'd never turned on the TV just those few hours before because now he had his answer and he wasn't sure as too whether he wanted it.
There sat in a rocking chair was the woman he'd not seen for nearly a year. The woman who had plagued his thoughts and his dreams. Yes, there sat Paula Abdul with a beautiful, little baby girl sleeping contently in her arms.
You could a pin drop, every breath in and every exhale as the sudden and deafening silence that filled the room like dark, poisonous cloud. He could literally hear as if he were a machine, the internal cogs wiring around inside of him at the speed of a mile a minute whilst he sat in the bed his mind reliving the news of her return over and over again.
She's returned. He should be overjoyed that she is back. That she is alive, safe and well but no he isn't; he's angry and in disbelief. He doesn't believe what he just heard and saw. His mind must be playing tricks on him. Maybe his age is finally catching up with him or something. Better yet this must be a nightmare. Some sick trick that his subconscious has decided to play on him because she is here. She never left. None of this is real. None of it.
He saw his mind flying back. Flying back to the past of moments already gone. He saw her leaning over him after she'd barged through his dressing room door intent on apologising to him for her outburst on air regarding his father and what happened after.
*
He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't cry because he couldn't cry. He was numb. He felt nothing as he sat and stared out of his dressing room window watching the city below him burned brightly, the people, the places all alive continuing their lives totally unaware of his pained stare from above.
He was still here, still sat in his dressing room numbed, totally numbed and unable to leave. There was something, through his numbed haze he didn't know what, was compelling him to stay and not leave. He couldn't leave, he was uncertain as to whether he wanted to leave or not. He just didn't know.
He just didn't know as he kept hearing her voice over and over again in his head. It took him a while to realise that her voice wasn't in his head, it was real and in the same room as him; she was here. She was here with him.
"Simon," he shuddered as he heard her soft whisper behind him, her hand on his shoulder, her touch burning through his clothes, scorching his skin.
He opened his mouth to speak but no words were formed. His mouth moved in a silent motion before he brought his lips together pursing them tightly whilst his face conveyed an expression of little or no emotion. Her voice filled him with emotion, the feeling of total numbness seemed to change and transform.
"Simon," she repeated, her voice a little stronger than before as she moved to sit next to him on the sofa. Her line of vision the same as his whilst he continued to gaze out the window. "I'm sorry. I didn't know about your dad. I honestly didn't," she sighed. "I guess there is a lot that I don't know about you huh? Simon say something. Anything please?" His silence was deafening, worrying as the two sat in total silence.
"Who told you?" she turned her head to the source of the whisper. He was looking at her. His eyes filled with unshed tears, his jaw tightly set, his body tense. He was staring at her and she found it very unnerving, so uncomfortable. She could feel herself trying not to squirm to show that he wasn't affecting her as he stared at her with a painful stare. "Who told you?" he said again, his voice stern and angry.
"Nigel. Nigel told me," she replied, her gaze lowered to her legs as she addressed him. "After you left he pulled me aside and he told me everything. Simon I'm so sorry. You've no idea how sorry I am for what I said and when I said it."
"Sorry!" he scoffed. He stood and moved over to the window before turning to her his eyes were ablaze with anger and what looked like betrayal. "Sorry! You aren't sorry! You don't know the meaning of the word. You hate me. I've belittled you for months and you've been waiting for your revenge. Well congratulations because tonight you finally succeeded. You finally hurt me more than I ever hurt you, I suspect. So please, I'd like it if you and your pity would leave me alone now. I said GO!" he screamed when she remained in her spot, unmoving, her eyes, her gaze was now focused on him.
"No!" she said, sparring back at him.
"I said GO! Why won't you go?" he questioned as he turned to face the window, trying to ignore her to get the message and to leave him alone. He'd be fine once he'd had a little time to calm down.
"Because Simon you need me. Look at you! I can see what my words are doing to you and it really hurts me to know that it was me who caused you this pain. Except I snapped and said what I said not meaning to cause you any pain whereas you meant to hurt me!" she screamed, her voice full of her built-up emotion. "Every time you made me cry, you meant it!
"You bitch!" he screamed, his voice full of rage as he moved across the room and pushed her up against the wall, his lips covering hers in a hot, passionate kiss. He moaned loudly into her mouth as she moved to wrap her legs tightly around his waist pulling him closer to her, her pelvis crushed sensually against his whilst he thrust his tongue into her mouth, his hands falling to ass.
"Oh God!" she moaned aloud as she felt the air hitting her chest as he swiftly pushed her top up and bared her to him; she wasn't wearing a bra. His mouth roughly came down on her and bit down hard before he used his tongue to sooth her.
Before she knew it she let out a scream as he thrust his rock hard erection into her wet, heaving womanhood. Both applied all the hurt pain into their movements; the clenching of her walls, the angle and thrust of his hips left them both screaming, yearning for more as it brought them closer and closer to the edge.
*
He remembered how afterwards when they come down from their high and redressed that she had slapped him across the face before leaving him alone in his dressing room. It had also been the day when things had changed between them. It had almost been as if that one comment and it's consequences had actually had a positive effect because it had brought them so much closer together.
"I'm coming to get you!" he said into the phone before hanging up. He needed to get dressed. There was no way he could go out in his current state of dress or lack there of.
"Where are you going? Simon!" Mezhgan screamed as Simon rushed out of the room with his keys, phone and Kools in hand. "Simon!" she screamed once more as he completely ignored her. She suspected that it had something to do with what Paula's return. Her return from what she didn't know.
*
"What the hell is going on?" Ryan asked as Simon pulled out of the driveway and sped off down the road at a speed which Ryan knew to be illegal.
"She's back! You saw!" Simon snapped in reply, his eyes focused on the road ahead of him as he successfully sped through the streets of Los Angeles towards the nearest entrance to the freeway. "How the hell can she just reappear after all this time? What the fuck is wrong with her? Who the hell does she think she fucking us around like this, huh?"
"Slow down!" Ryan screamed as he glanced over at the Speedo and so it was well over 120. "Your going to bloody kill us! How are we supposed to find out what the fuck is going on with her if we are dead?" he let out a sigh of relief as he saw the arrow on the Speedo fall, indicating that Simon had dramatically reduced their speed so that they were just going the limit.
"I'm sorry," Simon whispered, his voice so soft that Ryan nearly missed it. "I've missed her. It's been killing me not knowing what the hell is going on. Where she is? If she was ok or was she injured or dead? I knew nothing and it nearly tore me up inside. I missed my poodle so excuse me for being just a little pissed to turn on my TV and find that she is back. She's back and she didn't tell me. She didn't even tell me she was leaving especially after -"
"After what?" Ryan cut in before Simon had the chance to retract his words. The words that Ryan could quite clearly tell by the look on Simon's face that he hadn't meant to say. They had been a quite accidental slip of the tongue. "After what Simon?"
"Nothing. It was nothing Ryan so just drop it and pretend that you never heard anything, ok?" Simon replied, his voice strained as he spoke showing to Ryan that is quite clearly wasn't 'nothing' but Ryan knew not to press him especially now.
The rest of the journey was spent in an awkward silence as they continued to speed through the streets of Los Angeles which lead them to her house. The house she still owned. Neither knew what to say or if they actually wanted to say anything at all.
Ryan knew there was more to the relationship between Simon and Paula than even their close friends knew but it was one of the things which should always remain private between Simon and Paula. One of those things which are always kept secret and never revealed.
"Someone's home," Ryan snapped out of his revere when he heard Simon's whisper. He realised the car had come to a stop. They'd arrived; they were at her house and clearly someone was home because the curtains were opened which was unusual seeing as they'd been closed for nearly a year since she'd vanished.
"I'll search downstairs and you search upstairs," Ryan said softly after Simon had fished the front door key she'd given them out of his pocket. Years ago Paula had given Ryan, Randy and Simon a key each and the code to her house if ever there was an emergency; this was an emergency.
He could feel his heart pound violently in his chest, his heartbeat loud and deafening in his ears as he watched Ryan disappear from view and into the kitchen whilst he slowly ascended the stairs to the first floor of her home. The floor where it happened. No, nothing happened he wouldn't be thinking about that anymore. He couldn't.
"God," he whispered softly as he reached the top of the stairs. He felt like such a criminal as he snuck into her house to try and find her. He felt as if he was going to wake up any minute because this was all one big, horrible dream.
"What?" he whispered as he came to a complete stop. He heard something; something which sounded so, so familiar to him. Something that he hadn't heard in so long; someone was singing. He rushed towards the sound eager to find out what it was.
He opened the door to what was her spare bedroom and he wished he hadn't. He wished from that particular moment he'd never turned on the TV just those few hours before because now he had his answer and he wasn't sure as too whether he wanted it.
There sat in a rocking chair was the woman he'd not seen for nearly a year. The woman who had plagued his thoughts and his dreams. Yes, there sat Paula Abdul with a beautiful, little baby girl sleeping contently in her arms.
Unspoken Words
Prologue.
The silence plagues them like the pain of a thousand knives to the chest. It is like radio silence. They know nothing. They can't know more because the truth, the answers to their questions is eluding them whilst giving them an impression that the questions they are asking are simply unanswerable.
She'd vanished. It was as if she'd disappeared into thin air because she seemed to have disappeared off of the face of the earth; she was gone. She was gone which to them was totally unacceptable. They had to find her. It wasn't a question of if. It was simply a question of how. How would they find her when the only people who knew where she was wouldn't speak to them. Had good as cut off all contact with them for no fathomable reason as to why.
One of the most puzzling things of the whole situation was her house. Her house was still in her name. Everything was still there. All of her possessions were still in the same place. The only thing missing was her. A house which had previously screamed warmth and love now screamed a very dark and unsettling coldness now that she was gone.
The private investigators had turned up nothing. They had searched and searched and searched yet still they came up with nothing. The trail was cold. It had always been cold never warm as they searched for her. They knew she was somewhere they just couldn't work out where. They'd found out that the babies were living with Wendy but no one would say why. She adored her babies. They were such an important part in her life so why were they suddenly off living with Wendy whilst she vanished into thin air, why?
The tabloids were all clear of her. There hadn't been a word said about her in months not since she announced her decision to quit Idol. A decision which rocked the lives of many around the world, shocked an industry which had grown to love her even more than they had before. "With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return." After the frenzy of her departure from Idol had died down all news of her seemed to die down too. There was nothing written in the media about her; no mentions of drug or alcohol addictions. No potential suitors. Nothing.
One day after what felt like months of searching they gave up. They hired people who were renowned in certain circles for being able to find whoever or whatever you wanted when you wanted but this time they'd found nothing. With everyday that past it became more and more unlikely that they were going to find what they were looking for. It was starting to destroy everything else around them. Relationships, work it was all suffering so they gave up.
"Si?" he heard a voice breaking through into subconscious, waking him from his peaceful slumber. He rolled over and tried to block out all noise so that he could go back to sleep but to no avail. He was awake. "Your phone is ringing."
"Wha…" he mumbled sleepily as he opened his eyes, his senses still sleepy as he did so.
"Your phone," Mezhgan spoke again as she reached over and handed Simon his phone. "It's Ryan," she said, handing him the phone once he'd sat up in bed.
"Ryan I'm sleeping!" he said, yawning into the phone as he spoke. "What!" he suddenly exclaimed loudly as he swiftly grabbed a hold of the TV and turned it onto the desired channel. The phone fell out of his hand.
"Paula is to serve as lead judge, executive producer, creative partner, mentor and coach on CBS' new dancing competition, Live to Dance which is based on the British version show Got to Dance," he spoke slowly.
The silence plagues them like the pain of a thousand knives to the chest. It is like radio silence. They know nothing. They can't know more because the truth, the answers to their questions is eluding them whilst giving them an impression that the questions they are asking are simply unanswerable.
She'd vanished. It was as if she'd disappeared into thin air because she seemed to have disappeared off of the face of the earth; she was gone. She was gone which to them was totally unacceptable. They had to find her. It wasn't a question of if. It was simply a question of how. How would they find her when the only people who knew where she was wouldn't speak to them. Had good as cut off all contact with them for no fathomable reason as to why.
One of the most puzzling things of the whole situation was her house. Her house was still in her name. Everything was still there. All of her possessions were still in the same place. The only thing missing was her. A house which had previously screamed warmth and love now screamed a very dark and unsettling coldness now that she was gone.
The private investigators had turned up nothing. They had searched and searched and searched yet still they came up with nothing. The trail was cold. It had always been cold never warm as they searched for her. They knew she was somewhere they just couldn't work out where. They'd found out that the babies were living with Wendy but no one would say why. She adored her babies. They were such an important part in her life so why were they suddenly off living with Wendy whilst she vanished into thin air, why?
The tabloids were all clear of her. There hadn't been a word said about her in months not since she announced her decision to quit Idol. A decision which rocked the lives of many around the world, shocked an industry which had grown to love her even more than they had before. "With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return." After the frenzy of her departure from Idol had died down all news of her seemed to die down too. There was nothing written in the media about her; no mentions of drug or alcohol addictions. No potential suitors. Nothing.
One day after what felt like months of searching they gave up. They hired people who were renowned in certain circles for being able to find whoever or whatever you wanted when you wanted but this time they'd found nothing. With everyday that past it became more and more unlikely that they were going to find what they were looking for. It was starting to destroy everything else around them. Relationships, work it was all suffering so they gave up.
"Si?" he heard a voice breaking through into subconscious, waking him from his peaceful slumber. He rolled over and tried to block out all noise so that he could go back to sleep but to no avail. He was awake. "Your phone is ringing."
"Wha…" he mumbled sleepily as he opened his eyes, his senses still sleepy as he did so.
"Your phone," Mezhgan spoke again as she reached over and handed Simon his phone. "It's Ryan," she said, handing him the phone once he'd sat up in bed.
"Ryan I'm sleeping!" he said, yawning into the phone as he spoke. "What!" he suddenly exclaimed loudly as he swiftly grabbed a hold of the TV and turned it onto the desired channel. The phone fell out of his hand.
"Paula is to serve as lead judge, executive producer, creative partner, mentor and coach on CBS' new dancing competition, Live to Dance which is based on the British version show Got to Dance," he spoke slowly.
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