Unspoken Words

Chapter 2.

He can feel her looking up at him. Her eyes are filled with tears as she does her eyes are burning into him but he can’t look at her, he just can’t. His eyes, his gaze is transfixed on her arms, on the little bundle who lay there as she slept softly. He watched as she nuzzled into her mother and let out a little sigh in her sleep.

She looked so much like Paula. He could tell this only from seeing her face. Her little face was pinched in sleep, her breathes so cute and wispy. He was unable to move. He couldn’t look away from the little girl even as Paula stood from the rocking chair and placed her in the small, pink crib which was situated across the room.

“Simon,” he looked down at his feet as he heard her whisper his name whilst she walked closer to him. Closer to him after all that time apart. He couldn’t look at her because if he did then he would be forced to admit that this was all real. It wasn’t a dream that she really had left him, that she’d vanished for a year with no word at all as too whether she was safe and well or not.

She was a mother. She’d become a mother and she’d not told him. That fact made him feel as if someone had taken a hammer to his heart and shattered it in one fail swoop. He wasn’t feeling anything. She’d always been the one who pulled so many of his strings and today was no exception. Even after a year of no contact between them she still had such an impact over him.

“Her name is Alexia Grace Abdul. She was born the on the first of May this year in my friends bed. I was in Alaska. That is where I have been the whole time. I went into labour and it progressed so quickly that there was no time for my friend to take me to a hospital. It would have taken us at least half an hour to get that and it seems that Lexi didn’t want to wait that long. Her name means warrior in Greek. Her father is no one. It was just a one night stand which had consequences. And before you say it yes, I know I don’t do one night stands.”

He was going to speak. He was going to say something. He was. He was until they heard Ryan’s voice behind him, shocked and stunned by what he saw in front of him.

“Whose that?” he asked. “What’s going?” he asked, his gaze darting from Paula and Simon and back again.

She watched as Simon looked at her briefly in the eye before turning to face Ryan where he uttered the words: “She’s had a baby without us Ryan. Let’s go.” She would have cried as she watched the two of them turn and walk away from her but no she had more important things to do because the noise had startled her baby girl from her sleep.

*

“What am I going to do Wendy? He hates me!” she wailed as she entered the kitchen where Wendy was waiting with coffee once she’d made sure the door to the nursery was shut and the baby monitor was safe in her hand. “I’ve text him and text him and text him till I am blue in the face! Does he reply? No, he doesn’t!”

“What do you want me to say?” Wendy replied. “We all had to completely cut him out of our lives because you’d gotten knocked up and decided to run away!”

“You know why I left! You know the reason and why it mustn’t come out!” She sparred back as she fought her tears.

“Yes,” Wendy whispered, her voice absent from the hard edge it had possessed just moments before. “I know why and I’m not judging you. But you have no idea what it was like for us pretending that we knew nothing, cutting him and Ryan out the way we did. It was horrible. You left with no reason, no word. No, nothing. They knew nothing. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for him and Ryan when you were gone. Simon thought you were dead. The look on his face when he whispered that will forever be imprinted into my head. So I think it is understandable that neither of them wants to speak to you but at least neither has gone to the press about Lexi,” Wendy finished with a big sigh emanating from her lips. She felt so guilty about saying it but she needed to say it.

“I know. I know. I understand. It just hurts that they won’t speak to me. I honestly half-expected them all to rush at me and never let me go when they found out that I was back, but then the other part of me knew they would react like this. I knew they’d hate me. Well at least Randy still loves me. He came round when mum had taken Lexi for a few hours so he doesn’t know. I told him I needed time out so I went away to work on some songs. I just miss him. I miss Simon,” she whispered, her voice shaking as she touched the locket around her neck. The locket that Simon had given her the Christmas before her last Idol season aired.

“I know you do. I know you do Hun. But what’s done is done. You have to let them adjust to what they both know. Let them deal with it in their own. Besides you’ve got the finale next week. You can see him next week and Ryan. Anyways give Lexi a kiss from me I got to go. Bye,” she said, pausing as she kissed her sister on the cheek before making a swift exit.

*

“To serve with love.”

She couldn’t believe how quickly the night had flown. She couldn’t ignore the rush of happiness which had flooded through her when the two of them were reunited. Especially when she came to sit on his lap and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her like he used to before when he could still stomach the sight of her.

They’d pretended like the true actors they were. The media was buzzing with news of ‘Saula.’ People were literally foaming at the mouth after the Idol finale. She’d seen some of the forums and it broke her heart to know the truth. She wished for just a moment that she could be as blissfully ignorant as everyone else and to believe that ‘Saula’ was alive and kicking.

The one good thing about all of this was Alexia. She loved her baby girl more than anything in this world. She truly was the light of her life and despite the way things had turned she wouldn’t change any of it because if she did then she wouldn’t have her baby girl; she wouldn’t have Alexia.

*

“Simon you have got to let it go,” Ryan pleaded once more.

“I can’t let it go!” he yelled. “She’s lying to me and I want to know the truth. Paula never ever has one night stands. Ever. So why now? There is more to the story and I want to know what it is.”

“What about your fiancée? Hmm?? What about Mezhgan Simon? She is supposed to be the ’one’ and yet you are obsessed with another woman! You have feelings for Paula don’t you? Mezhgan is nothing more than a distraction so that you don’t have to face what you are really feeling, isn’t she? Admit it!” Ryan yelled as he saw the look of anger on Simon’s face. He’d quite clearly hit a nerve.

“There is nothing to admit. I have to get through some paper work before I fly back to England tomorrow so I’d appreciate it if you left,” Simon snarled as he focused his attention back to his desk.

“Grow the fuck up Simon!” Ryan snapped before he complied with Simon’s wishes and left. Except Simon didn’t know that Ryan was leaving because he had to be in a different place.

*

“Paula, Paula,” he whispered once he stepped quietly into her hallway. He knew the baby might be asleep and so he didn’t want to disturb her so he decided that whispering might be his best bet. He’d only seen a glance of Alexia and it had left him disturbed. There was something familiar about the little girl but he couldn’t work out what.

Simon’s slip of words was still playing on his mind. ‘She didn’t even tell me she was leaving especially after -’ After what he wondered. He hadn’t dared ask Simon about it again considering the reaction he’d gotten for asking in the first place. It hadn’t stopped him thinking about it, what it could be.

“Paula,” he whispered once more as he headed into the living room only to find her asleep on the sofa. The TV was on in the background. He smiled at the thought her falling asleep whilst watching a movie. Some chick flick by the look of it. “Paula,” he whispered as he knelt beside her and shook her shoulder softly so she awakened.

“Ryan what are you doing here?” she asked, covering her mouth as she yawned before stretching and sitting up.

“I want to know the truth. I know that both you and Simon are lying about something, particularly you and I want to know what. I know that you weren’t telling the truth about Alexia’s father being a one night stand. Simon is convinced you are lying and I believe him.”

“I’m not lying!” she protested. He knows she’s lying because she refuses to look him in the eyes. She is looking at her arms whilst she fiddles with a piece of material to her sleeve. “I’m not lying!” She protested once more when she looks up to see him staring at her, the look on his face telling her that he doesn’t believe a word she is saying and why should he when she’s not telling the truth.

“Don’t treat me like I am some kind of idiot. Why do you have to keep lying to me? To us? Why? I know something happened between the two of you and I want to know what so tell me and stop lying!”

“Ok,” she whispered as she finally looked him in the eye. “I lied. I lied. I lied. I lied!” she said sobbing.

“Paula?” he asked softly.

“It was a one night stand. That part is at least true but the part where I said I didn’t know the identity of the father well that is a lie. I know who the father is.”

“Who?” he asked after she’d stayed quiet too long.

“Simon,” she whispered. “Simon is the father. The fantastic Simon Phillip Cowell knocked me up after a one night stand!” she spat angrily.

“I don’t understand,” he replied as he moved closer to her on the sofa.

“We had sex and he wasn’t single! I mean it just happened. He was over here, we were drinking wine and watching a movie. Then it just happened. It was like we were the only two people in the world but then the morning came along with the real world. I woke up all wrapped in his arms. It was like something out of a fairytale. It was perfect but then his phone rang. It was her. His girlfriend well no she’s his fiancée now. We didn’t say a word to one another whilst he was leaving. Three weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I had to leave. I don’t know why but I did. So I called my friend Amy who lives up in Alaska and asked if I could stay with her. She said yes so I cancelled all my commitments and off I went.”

“Simon!” she gasped loudly as the two of them turned to the archway only to see Simon standing there. His eyes were ablaze with anger and hurt. Had he heard everything? “What did you hear?” she asked as she stood and made a few steps over to him.

He says nothing. He merely opens up his wallet before taking out some bills and throwing them at her. “I’m not her father! Don’t you dare reveal this to anyone! I never will be a father!”

“Simon!” she screams as she falls into Ryan’s arms in tears. “He’s gone and he isn’t coming back!”