Unspoken Words

Chapter 1.

You could a pin drop, every breath in and every exhale as the sudden and deafening silence that filled the room like dark, poisonous cloud. He could literally hear as if he were a machine, the internal cogs wiring around inside of him at the speed of a mile a minute whilst he sat in the bed his mind reliving the news of her return over and over again.

She's returned. He should be overjoyed that she is back. That she is alive, safe and well but no he isn't; he's angry and in disbelief. He doesn't believe what he just heard and saw. His mind must be playing tricks on him. Maybe his age is finally catching up with him or something. Better yet this must be a nightmare. Some sick trick that his subconscious has decided to play on him because she is here. She never left. None of this is real. None of it.

He saw his mind flying back. Flying back to the past of moments already gone. He saw her leaning over him after she'd barged through his dressing room door intent on apologising to him for her outburst on air regarding his father and what happened after.

*

He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't cry because he couldn't cry. He was numb. He felt nothing as he sat and stared out of his dressing room window watching the city below him burned brightly, the people, the places all alive continuing their lives totally unaware of his pained stare from above.

He was still here, still sat in his dressing room numbed, totally numbed and unable to leave. There was something, through his numbed haze he didn't know what, was compelling him to stay and not leave. He couldn't leave, he was uncertain as to whether he wanted to leave or not. He just didn't know.

He just didn't know as he kept hearing her voice over and over again in his head. It took him a while to realise that her voice wasn't in his head, it was real and in the same room as him; she was here. She was here with him.

"Simon," he shuddered as he heard her soft whisper behind him, her hand on his shoulder, her touch burning through his clothes, scorching his skin.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words were formed. His mouth moved in a silent motion before he brought his lips together pursing them tightly whilst his face conveyed an expression of little or no emotion. Her voice filled him with emotion, the feeling of total numbness seemed to change and transform.

"Simon," she repeated, her voice a little stronger than before as she moved to sit next to him on the sofa. Her line of vision the same as his whilst he continued to gaze out the window. "I'm sorry. I didn't know about your dad. I honestly didn't," she sighed. "I guess there is a lot that I don't know about you huh? Simon say something. Anything please?" His silence was deafening, worrying as the two sat in total silence.

"Who told you?" she turned her head to the source of the whisper. He was looking at her. His eyes filled with unshed tears, his jaw tightly set, his body tense. He was staring at her and she found it very unnerving, so uncomfortable. She could feel herself trying not to squirm to show that he wasn't affecting her as he stared at her with a painful stare. "Who told you?" he said again, his voice stern and angry.

"Nigel. Nigel told me," she replied, her gaze lowered to her legs as she addressed him. "After you left he pulled me aside and he told me everything. Simon I'm so sorry. You've no idea how sorry I am for what I said and when I said it."

"Sorry!" he scoffed. He stood and moved over to the window before turning to her his eyes were ablaze with anger and what looked like betrayal. "Sorry! You aren't sorry! You don't know the meaning of the word. You hate me. I've belittled you for months and you've been waiting for your revenge. Well congratulations because tonight you finally succeeded. You finally hurt me more than I ever hurt you, I suspect. So please, I'd like it if you and your pity would leave me alone now. I said GO!" he screamed when she remained in her spot, unmoving, her eyes, her gaze was now focused on him.

"No!" she said, sparring back at him.

"I said GO! Why won't you go?" he questioned as he turned to face the window, trying to ignore her to get the message and to leave him alone. He'd be fine once he'd had a little time to calm down.

"Because Simon you need me. Look at you! I can see what my words are doing to you and it really hurts me to know that it was me who caused you this pain. Except I snapped and said what I said not meaning to cause you any pain whereas you meant to hurt me!" she screamed, her voice full of her built-up emotion. "Every time you made me cry, you meant it!

"You bitch!" he screamed, his voice full of rage as he moved across the room and pushed her up against the wall, his lips covering hers in a hot, passionate kiss. He moaned loudly into her mouth as she moved to wrap her legs tightly around his waist pulling him closer to her, her pelvis crushed sensually against his whilst he thrust his tongue into her mouth, his hands falling to ass.

"Oh God!" she moaned aloud as she felt the air hitting her chest as he swiftly pushed her top up and bared her to him; she wasn't wearing a bra. His mouth roughly came down on her and bit down hard before he used his tongue to sooth her.

Before she knew it she let out a scream as he thrust his rock hard erection into her wet, heaving womanhood. Both applied all the hurt pain into their movements; the clenching of her walls, the angle and thrust of his hips left them both screaming, yearning for more as it brought them closer and closer to the edge.

*

He remembered how afterwards when they come down from their high and redressed that she had slapped him across the face before leaving him alone in his dressing room. It had also been the day when things had changed between them. It had almost been as if that one comment and it's consequences had actually had a positive effect because it had brought them so much closer together.

"I'm coming to get you!" he said into the phone before hanging up. He needed to get dressed. There was no way he could go out in his current state of dress or lack there of.

"Where are you going? Simon!" Mezhgan screamed as Simon rushed out of the room with his keys, phone and Kools in hand. "Simon!" she screamed once more as he completely ignored her. She suspected that it had something to do with what Paula's return. Her return from what she didn't know.

*

"What the hell is going on?" Ryan asked as Simon pulled out of the driveway and sped off down the road at a speed which Ryan knew to be illegal.

"She's back! You saw!" Simon snapped in reply, his eyes focused on the road ahead of him as he successfully sped through the streets of Los Angeles towards the nearest entrance to the freeway. "How the hell can she just reappear after all this time? What the fuck is wrong with her? Who the hell does she think she fucking us around like this, huh?"

"Slow down!" Ryan screamed as he glanced over at the Speedo and so it was well over 120. "Your going to bloody kill us! How are we supposed to find out what the fuck is going on with her if we are dead?" he let out a sigh of relief as he saw the arrow on the Speedo fall, indicating that Simon had dramatically reduced their speed so that they were just going the limit.

"I'm sorry," Simon whispered, his voice so soft that Ryan nearly missed it. "I've missed her. It's been killing me not knowing what the hell is going on. Where she is? If she was ok or was she injured or dead? I knew nothing and it nearly tore me up inside. I missed my poodle so excuse me for being just a little pissed to turn on my TV and find that she is back. She's back and she didn't tell me. She didn't even tell me she was leaving especially after -"

"After what?" Ryan cut in before Simon had the chance to retract his words. The words that Ryan could quite clearly tell by the look on Simon's face that he hadn't meant to say. They had been a quite accidental slip of the tongue. "After what Simon?"

"Nothing. It was nothing Ryan so just drop it and pretend that you never heard anything, ok?" Simon replied, his voice strained as he spoke showing to Ryan that is quite clearly wasn't 'nothing' but Ryan knew not to press him especially now.

The rest of the journey was spent in an awkward silence as they continued to speed through the streets of Los Angeles which lead them to her house. The house she still owned. Neither knew what to say or if they actually wanted to say anything at all.

Ryan knew there was more to the relationship between Simon and Paula than even their close friends knew but it was one of the things which should always remain private between Simon and Paula. One of those things which are always kept secret and never revealed.

"Someone's home," Ryan snapped out of his revere when he heard Simon's whisper. He realised the car had come to a stop. They'd arrived; they were at her house and clearly someone was home because the curtains were opened which was unusual seeing as they'd been closed for nearly a year since she'd vanished.

"I'll search downstairs and you search upstairs," Ryan said softly after Simon had fished the front door key she'd given them out of his pocket. Years ago Paula had given Ryan, Randy and Simon a key each and the code to her house if ever there was an emergency; this was an emergency.


He could feel his heart pound violently in his chest, his heartbeat loud and deafening in his ears as he watched Ryan disappear from view and into the kitchen whilst he slowly ascended the stairs to the first floor of her home. The floor where it happened. No, nothing happened he wouldn't be thinking about that anymore. He couldn't.

"God," he whispered softly as he reached the top of the stairs. He felt like such a criminal as he snuck into her house to try and find her. He felt as if he was going to wake up any minute because this was all one big, horrible dream.

"What?" he whispered as he came to a complete stop. He heard something; something which sounded so, so familiar to him. Something that he hadn't heard in so long; someone was singing. He rushed towards the sound eager to find out what it was.

He opened the door to what was her spare bedroom and he wished he hadn't. He wished from that particular moment he'd never turned on the TV just those few hours before because now he had his answer and he wasn't sure as too whether he wanted it.

There sat in a rocking chair was the woman he'd not seen for nearly a year. The woman who had plagued his thoughts and his dreams. Yes, there sat Paula Abdul with a beautiful, little baby girl sleeping contently in her arms.