Unspoken Words.

Chapter 4.

“Oh God!” The two of them sprung apart as if they were a child who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The four corners of the room were now occupied by four equally stunned people. The four of them stood silent and unsure of what to say, what to do when suddenly a small cry broke through via the baby monitor that was situated on the table by the sofa.

“Alexia,” he whispered, glancing briefly at the woman in the room before he rushed out of the room and up the stairs leaving Paula alone with Mezhgan and Julie.

She felt as if she were sitting in an interrogation room, a thousand lights shining down on her as the two woman stared silently at her, their gazes were piercing and searching for answers to the many questions that now plagued and consumed them. Mezhgan’s stare was blank, her eyes showing a little hurt as she gazed at Paula. Paula could tell that she was trying compute everything she’d just seen and heard when suddenly Simon’s voice broke through the silence.

“Daddy is here princess, so you needn’t cry any longer. Shush,” he cooed, his voice soft and loving as it took on a tone which was all too familiar to those downstairs. It was a tone they’d all heard or used. It was a tone a parent spoke in when they were speaking to a child, usually their child.

If was If she could see Mezhgan’s heart shattering and breaking inside of her as Simon appeared on the stairs, a sleepy-looking Alexia in his arms. She was softly babbling to herself, holding onto her father tightly as he descended the stairs which lead them into the living room. He moved to stand next to Paula, his gaze focused on the person who was his fiancée.

“Her name is Alexia,” he began, swallowing repeatedly. “She is… well… she is.”

“She’s our daughter,” Paula said, stepping in when she could see that he was unable to say it. Unable to break the news to his fiancée. Julie had already known about her granddaughter she’d just never met her. The risk of the world finding out, of Mezhgan finding out had been too great. “It’s not what you thin-”

“You bastard!” Mezhgan screamed hurling engagement ring, narrowly avoiding Simon as she rushed out of the house.

He stood staring at the door as Julie moved towards him, her eyes full of unshed tears as for the first time since Alexia had been born, she was here in the flesh. She was actually here. He wordlessly allowed his mother to take Alexia into her arms, to move and sit down on the sofa. He turned to watch his daughter placing a kiss upon her grandmothers cheek before she snuggled into her where she promptly fell back to sleep.

He’d shut himself off from her again she could tell by the look in his eyes or lack thereof. The second the ring had come off of Mezhgan’s finger he’d shut down again, he’d shut her out. She watched with great sadness as he made sure he was sat on the side of his mother that she wasn’t occupying.

She didn’t know what to do, what to feel or say as he excused himself citing ‘work’ and promptly shut himself away in his office. She merely nodded her head in agreement as Julie offered to put Alexia back to bed, she wasn’t really aware as Julie took her hand and led her upstairs and into her room whilst she placed Alexia back in Simon’s room.

Julir didn’t know what it was that made Paula cry but she cried. Julie watched her cry harder and longer than she’d ever seen her cry before. She was truly pained as her tears fell and fell until they could fall no more. Paula had fallen asleep after some time had passed. How much time she didn’t know but she could definitely see that Paula was exhausted from all the pain and she needed him; he needed her.

And so after Paula had definitely fallen asleep she went in search of her son. The son she knew would be in great pain, how greater pain she soon found out when she knocked on the office door to see him asleep at his desk, his cheeks stained with his tears as he held a photo of his father in his hand. His sleeping face bore the same expression as Paula. He looked tired, tired and pained.

Aside from the fact she knew he would wake up feeling psychically pained from the position he was sleeping in, she knew he needed face a few demons whether he liked it or not and so she shook him awake. She shook him gently until he opened his eyes, her heart melted when his tired eyes focused on her just like he did when he’d been a small boy except this time he was a grown man. But he was a grown man who nonetheless needed those who loved him.

“Mum?” he whispered, his voice hoarse from the sleep and tears. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing son,” she whispered. Just before she disappeared out of his office she indicted with her finger for him to follow her. She raised her finger indicting he wasn’t to say a word as she led them into Paula’s room where she was still sleeping soundly on the bed. “I am going to sleep in your bed and make sure Alexia is ok whilst you and Paula are to share this bed. No arguments, she said, kissing his cheek softly before leaving the room, leaving him standing there in total disbelief.

He knew better than to argue with his mum. Aside from him never winning the argument, she was his mother and he’d never be so disrespectful especially after his father had died. He carefully stripped Paula down so that she was wearing her dress, he’d removed all the clunky clothing and jewellery, her shoes before he gently manoeuvred her under the covers.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered after he’d stripped down to his underwear and he too had climbed under the covers. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before turning his body so his back was facing her where he promptly fell asleep.

*

“Paula?” she turned to face Amy who was looking at her with an expression of concern. She had been staying with Amy for over five months which meant that she was currently six months pregnant with hers and Simon’s baby. Baby girl or baby boy? She didn’t know because she’d hadn’t wanted to find out. She had wanted it to be a surprise. Ever since she’d been aware of how babies were really made she’d said to herself that if she ever had a baby she would want to be unaware of her babies gender. She liked the idea of not knowing, of finding out when the baby was born.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Are you ok? I mean really ok?” Amy asked as she moved to join Paula on the sofa. “Your quiet. Almost weirdly quiet.”

“I can’t stop thinking about him,” she whispered softly in reply. “I can’t stop thinking about the father and what I must be doing to him by being here. I can’t go back right now, I know that but it just hurts so much to think that I just upped and left. I left everyone and everything that mattered to me behind! All because I couldn’t handle the fact that I had gotten knocked up by who knocked me up!”

“Come here,” Amy whispered as she pulled an almost sobbing Paula into her arms.

“He’s engaged to another woman for crying out loud! He’s engaged to another woman and he knocked me up! Yes he knocked me up before they got together but how do you tell a man who is serious with another that you, you are pregnant with his child? You can’t without causing some serious, maybe irreparable damage. Which is why I decided to do what I have done because when I return he’ll hate me so much he’ll never want to talk or see me again, which means that I won’t have to worry about him discovering my little secret,” she said, placing her hand over her stomach as her unborn child made her presence known with a swift kick.

“I’m sorry baby,” she whispered, the reality of what she’d done truly settling into her mind as her unborn baby kicked. She was depriving her child of a father.

*

She awoke slowly, wiping away the sleep from her eyes as her dream was still fresh in her mind. The dream which plagued her frequently. The dream which was a reality. “What?” she whispered as she registered the weight pressing upon her. She looked down to see that some of that reality was laying in bed with her asleep. Asleep as he had an arm wrapped around her whilst his head was nestled safely upon her breasts. Simon was in the same bed as her and he was nestled close and intimately to her.

She was puzzled for a moment until she looked up at the door to see a smiling Julie holding Alexia. She must have planned something. “She is truly a clever, clever woman.” she mused as Julie placed Alexia on Paula’s stomach where she quickly mentioned she was making breakfast before leaving the little family all on their own.

She had to stifle a laugh when Alexia spotted Simon and immediately got the look upon her face which usually meant she wanted to play but obviously Simon couldn’t play. He was asleep. A fact which was quickly rectified by Alexia who swiftly and decisively grabbed a hold of her sleeping fathers nose and pulled on it hard.

“Ow!” Simon growled in annoyance as he was rudely awakened by who he did not know. “Oh,” he whispered, his face lighting up with a smile as he spotted his baby girl staring at him, her face mirroring his smile. “Hello darling,” he smiled as she placed a swift kiss upon his cheek.

She smiled despite herself when she saw his face blush furiously once he released who he was snuggled against. She kept her face neutral despite her body yearning for his warmth to return once he moved away from her, and situated Alexia so that he was sitting against the headboard with her resting against his knees.

They were enjoying such an intimate, perfect moment. She knew that she’d never felt as happy as she did in that moment. She was happy until he spoke.

“I need to talk to her. I have to speak to her,” he said.

She never got the chance to reply as Julie shouted up the stairs telling them that breakfast was ready.

*

He was early. A rare instance he mused whilst he waited for his fiancée to arrive. Well he doesn’t know what she was to him anymore after last night. He’d taken his mother home before phoning Mezhgan asking her if they could talk. And so here he was sitting in a restaurant waiting for her to arrive.

He smiled as he noticed her walking towards him. “Hi,” he said as she took a seat opposite him. “I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for all of this. I honestly never meant to hurt you. I love you.”

“I know you do Simon but we both know that we don’t love one another enough,” Mezhgan said as she removed her sunglasses. “I just want to know one thing. Was Alexia conceived once you and I were together?”

“No,” he said. “It was one night shortly before you and I got together. I was over at Paula’s we were watching movies and drinking wine when one thing led to another. We slept together and obviously we made a baby. But that was it. I never saw her again for nine months.”

“I don’t hate you Simon. I honestly don’t but I know in my heart that this was the final nail in the coffin that was our relationship. You’ve have a child and you never told me. I was supposed to become your wife and you hid this from me. I know there is a reason why you have hidden this from me but I don’t want to hear it right now. I just want to move on with my life.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered once more.

“I know you are Simon. I know you are. I’ll continue to pretend we are an item for as long as you need us to pretend. Just know that I love you and I will always love you. Goodbye,” she whispered softly before leaving to process his thoughts alone.

*

“Where the hell is she?” he said aloud to himself as he stood in the hallway. He’d called her name expecting her to magically appear like she always did but this time there was no answer. The only sounds he could hear were coming from himself; his heavy breathing and the furious beating of his heart as it thumped rapidly against his ribs.

He raced upstairs to the room where Paula had been staying only to find it empty so he rushed in a flurry of panic to his own room which was deserted too. He was about to turn away when suddenly he spotted something on the floor by his bed. As he moved closer he saw that it was Alexia’s bear. The bear that she slept with nightly.

“They’ve gone,” he whispered brokenly. But why had they gone? Why?”