Never Noticed

Sometimes the answer to a plaguing question is right there in front of you. As it always has been. You’ve just never noticed.


“Don’t you walk away from me!” she heard him yelling after her as she stormed down the stairs of her mansion, finally stopping when she reached the kitchen. She can hear him bounding down the stairs as she walked over to the fridge - she reached for a glass pressing for ice as he entered the kitchen. She knows he is waiting for her speak; she doesn’t. She remained completely silent as she set the glass on the counter beside the fridge before opening the fridge to find a drink. She can hear his loud, angry breathing as she pours the guava juice into the glass before placing the carton back into the fridge. Once this is done she takes a straw from the cupboard and places it into the glass before she turns to walk out of the backdoor - leaving him standing there.

“Paula,” he whispered brokenly as he followed her out to the backyard. He watched as she sat by the pool edge dipping her bare feet into the water. She still remained completely silent as he moved to sit near her - near her but not next to her. “We have to talk about this,” he whispered. “It’s been three weeks.”

“I know,” she whispered brokenly, her fingers resting on her flat, empty stomach. “Our baby died. I killed her,” she says as she begins to sob - shuffling off his touch as he attempted to console her. “Don’t touch me!” she hissed angrily as she threw her glass against a near-by wall, feeling a small amount of her pain leave her as she watched the glass shattering into thousands of small pieces.

“She was my baby too!” he yelled, shocked at her reaction to his touch. “Don’t shut me out! She wasn’t meant to be, she just wasn’t,” he whispered, looking down at the water.

“Get out,” she says, her voice low and even containing very thinly hidden anger.

“What?” he asks shocked.

“I said GET OUT!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, as she stood up. She backed away from him; unable to be near him. “She wasn’t meant to be, she just wasn’t!” she exclaimed angrily, parroting his earlier words.

“Paula,” he whispered as he walked toward her.

“I want you to go. I never want to see you again. Just go!” she screamed as Daniel and Ryan came through the door. “GET OUT!”

He simply stood there, motionless and shocked as she said those words to him. He felt Ryan’s hand on his shoulder as he watched Daniel wrapping his arms around Paula; hugging her sobbing form as she broke down in arms. Her body afflicted by hard, gut-wrenching sobs at the loss of their baby.

“Simon,” Ryan whispered as wrapped an arm around Simon’s shoulder leading him round the side of the house, and out to Ryan’s car. Simon silently and solemnly got into the car; saying nothing as he stared out of the window - watching as Ryan slowly drove them away from Paula’s home, away from Sherman Hills altogether.

“She was my baby too,” he whispered through the silence as Ryan continued to drive them through LA towards the airport. Ryan had already phoned Julie telling that he was sending Simon on the private jet to London, he needed his mother during this time. She would meet him at the airport - Ryan had arranged for everything upon Simon’s departure from LA to his arrival in London.

“I know buddy, I know,” Ryan replied his voice equally soft as once again the silence began to envelop them.


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Once he’d seen Simon off at the airport he headed back to Paula’s house.

“She’s asleep,” Daniel told him as they headed into the kitchen. They sat down at the table facing one another.

“He’s just as devastated and broken as she is,” Ryan said softly, their features illuminated by the moonlight coming in from the big, back doors.

“Where is he?” Daniel asked as he took a sip of his hot-chocolate.

“On a plane to London, and before you criticise him for leaving. I made him go,” Ryan replied.

“You, why?” Daniel asked.

“He needs his mum, so before all of this kicked off I rang her and told her everything, I told her that I was putting him on the next flight out and that he needed her, now more than ever. I keep seeing his face as we drove to the airport. It was so broken, so defeated and destroyed. It was like he no longer had anything to live for,” Ryan said softly.

“I don’t thinks she blames him, she just lashed out. She’s wanted a child for so long. I mean I know they were only supposed to be having an ‘affair’ but we both know it was so much more than that; they were in love. She was with a man she loved, and she was having his baby. It was everything she’d ever wanted, and then it was all cruelly taken away from her,” Daniel said as he took a sip of his hot-chocolate, finishing it.

“A modern day Romeo and Juliet,” Ryan quipped bitterly.


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The two of them bolted upright. They must have fallen asleep with their heads resting on the table as they saw the sunlight pouring into the house. They turned their heads to the stairs as they heard movement.

“Hi,” she whispered softly as she entered the kitchen clutching Thumbelina in her arms. “Simon loves Thumbelina,” she whispered, as the rest of her babies came into the kitchen after her.

“One second,” Ryan said as he heard his phone beeping in his pocket. It was Simon. It read: ‘Thanks. In London.’ he quickly read the text - ignoring the fact that he could feel her gaze burning into the back of his head.

“Who was that?” she accused as he put the phone back into his pocket.

“No one,” Ryan replied standing, he took the empty hot-chocolate mugs and placed them into the sink.

“Who was it?” she asked once again; her tone becoming louder.

“It was Simon, telling me that he had arrive in London, after I sent him there last night. Ok!” he sighed exasperatedly. “I’m sorry honey,” he whispered. The guilt consuming him as he saw her crestfallen expression, watching her as she tried so hard to stop her tears from falling.

“It’s ok. How is he?” she whispered, lifting her head to look him in the eye.

“Hurting just like you. Come here,” he said as he opened his arms. She placed Thumbelina on the floor before she flew into his arms, sighing as she melted into his embrace.


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“With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return.” she felt a huge weight being lifted off of her shoulders as she pressed ‘Tweet’. That was it. She and American Idol were done, they were finished, kaput. After eight, long years she was no longer a judge on American Idol. She would no longer judge talent, she would no longer watch it grow as the season progressed. No instead she would have to watch It from a TV screen as it happened miles away.


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She sighed as she heard her phone buzzing on the table in front of her; she had a text message and she knew exactly who it was from. The text simply read: ‘After all this time, this is how you end things.’ she knew how much her decision would hurt him, but it was the right decision. It was a decision that she needed to make, and despite the pain it was causing at the moment, it was a decision she was glad she’d made.

After tomorrow was when she was going to begin a new chapter in her life. The chapter of Paula Abdul the mother. Yes she’d made a decision, a decision which she’d thought long and hard about. A decision which she’d agonised over with her family, a decision which she’d ultimately decided was right.


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“Danny I’m bored!” she exclaimed as she lay in her bed; doctors orders. “Come entertain me!” she said as he entered her bedroom carrying a needle; it was time for another hormone injection. “Do we have too?” she asked, pointlessly.

“Yes, we do, if we want to get pregnant?” he said, sighing exasperatedly for what felt like the millionth time. It was like speaking to a small child.

“We?” she asked, laughing.

“Yeah,” he replied as he sat on the edge of her bed. “I want to be ‘Cool uncle Danny!”

“Go ahead,” she replied as she lifted the duvet, turning onto her side giving him access for the needle. She inhaled sharply as she felt the needle pushing through her skin, the liquid seeping into her. “Thanks Danny,” she whispered once he’d withdrawn the needle and thrown it away.

“Back to the doctor tomorrow,” she said as she threw the duvet back over her.

“You picked one?” Danny asked, cringing slightly as he said it. It wasn’t like she was picking a dress or something, she was picking sperm. Some unknown guy among thousands had donated his sperm and she was going to use it.

“Yeah this one,” she said as she handed him a small folder. “And I know your still freaked out about this.”

“Nice,” Daniel replied after a few moments of silence. “Wait… he’s British?” he questioned. He quickly returned his gaze to the folder as Paula gave him a look. “Male 30. British businessman/ record-executive, who loves girls and fast cars.

Has four siblings: one younger brother, two older half-brothers and a step-sisters from his fathers first marriage,” he read out.


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“Can I look yet?” she asks impatiently, for the millionth time. “Can I?”

“No. You still need to wait another minute,” Daniel replied as he looked down at his watch. “Girl chill!” he said as he watched her pacing around her bathroom, if she carried on any longer she would wear the carpet out.

“I can’t Danny!” she replied as she continued to pace. “This test could change my life forever, so when you say chill. It is something that I cannot do.”

“It’s time,” he said picking up the test in his hand, as he handed it to her. He watched as he eyes darted back and forth between the test and the instructions. She did this over and over, and over and over again until she placed the test and the instructions down on the side of the bath. “Well? What does it say?”

“I’m pregnant!” she squealed loudly, her eyes filling with tears as she placed her hands on her flat stomach. The happy tears fell from her eyes as Daniel wrapped his arms around her; hugging her tightly as they rejoiced in her news. “I’m pregnant,” she whispered after the hug had ended.


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It was now early October.

“Guys come in. Sit down in the living room,” she instructed as Ryan, Randy and Kara entered the house, looking confused. “I’ll explain in a minute, drink?” they nodded. She returned to the living room a few moments later carrying a tray of drinks, which she set down on the coffee table before taking a seat on a nearby chair.

“Thanks,” the three guests chorused as they each took a drink from the tray.

“Paula what’s going on?” Ryan asked after a short silence had passed. “And I know it’s October, but this is you, so what’s with the loose clothing?”

“What I am about to tell you can go no further. Understood?” she asked seriously.

“We understand. Honey you’re starting to freak us out. Please tell us what is wrong?” Kara pleaded.

“I’m pregnant. 16 weeks to be exact,” Paula replied, smiling. She removed her hooded top, leaving her clad in a t-shirt ; a t-shirt with a small, almost unnoticeable swell beneath it.

“What? How? What? How?” Ryan began to question quickly, in total confusion as he pointed at her stomach.

“I used a donor. And yes I know! Before you voice your feelings towards it, I’ve already had this particular lecture several times. I went through my options over and over again in my head, and this seemed like my only plausible option. I’m pregnant with my own baby and I never, ever have to worry about fathers or custody agreements.”

“Honey,” Kara began. “Just know that we love you and despite what reservations we may have about donors, we are so, so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Paula whispered. “I can trust you guys, not to say anything, right?”

Both Kara and Randy nodded in assurance, but Ryan didn’t. He remained silent, looking down at the floor.

“Ryan?” she whispered as she got up from her chair and sat next to Ryan on the small loveseat. “Ryan, can I trust you?” she asked carefully.

“Where’s Simon? Why isn’t he here?” he replied gruffly.

“I…” she stuttered. “I don’t want him to know just yet. You know exactly why Ryan!”

“Yes! I know! Which is why, I cannot believe that we are all here, and he isn’t. He’s completely oblivious to this, when he of all people deserves to be told first!” Ryan snapped as he stood from the loveseat.

“Why?” Randy asked bravely. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell us.”

“I do,” Paula began as she turned to face them. “Simon and I were having an affair, and I fell pregnant. We were despite what you would think, so incredibly happy. I was about six or seven weeks along when I suffered a miscarriage. It destroyed Simon and I, irreparably damaging our relationship. It’s a major reason why I left Idol.”

“Oh honey,” Kara whispered. “We’re so, so sorry.”

“You still haven’t answered my question,” came Ryan’s voice. “Why haven’t you? And why aren’t you going to tell Cowell?”

“Because I don’t want to hurt him, ok!” she snapped. “I don’t need this extra stress. It isn’t good for me or for the baby.”


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Today had been a very, very stressful day. As has the rest of the week. On Monday she was forced to announce her pregnancy, today was Friday and she’s been hounded ever since, by everyone and anyone trying to get a quote of almost any kind. She is just so tired, and all she wants to do is change into her pyjamas and go to sleep.

So that’s what she does. She bid goodbye to all of her assistants and her staff, before she shuffled herself and the dogs up the stairs into her bedroom. The dogs climb the little doggy-staircase and curl up at the bottom of her bed, as she prepared herself for bed. As her stomach expands, she finds herself wearing loser things to bed. Her current choice is an old t-shirt of Simon’s that he’d forgotten.

She turned off the light, leaving a lamp on in the corner of the room as she climbed into bed, whispering “Night, night baby.” Before she shuffled down and attempted to get comfortable - Well as comfortable as she can in her condition. Eventually she does every night, she realises that the most comfortable position for her to sleep in is on her back.

She’s lightly dozing - her attention is intently focused on the backs of her eyelids as her conscious mind slips closer and closer to the edge of unconscious with every passing minute. Her efforts to sleep are brought to a staggering halt when she feels loud, angry footsteps on the stairs. She feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up in fear as the footsteps get closer.

“Simon,” she gasps, the breathe she’d been holding in now forces it way out of her mouth as the door quickly opens allowing Simon entrance to her room. She sits up and moves the duvet away from her body, allowing Simon’s gaze to move away from her face as it focuses on her expanding stomach. “Simon,” she whispers.

“It’s true,” he breathes, moving closer to her.. She feels her heart breaking as she takes in the totally broken expression on his face as he stares at her stomach; at her child. “I can’t believe you never told me. I thought you cared about me,” he says brokenly to her; touching her stomach - smiling when he feels the baby react to his touch. “Things between us are finished,” he replied coldly before he fleeing her room, and her home - leaving her and her unborn baby alone.

“Simon,” she sobbed softly, as she heard the door downstairs slamming. She curled into a ball - well as close to a ball as she could get and sobbed herself to sleep. She awakened the next morning hope to find out that it was all a dream; it wasn’t.


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“I miss my babies!” she wailed, for the millionth time since they’d been stranded. Since the heavy-snow fall had left them stranded inside Ryan’s home three days ago. Paula, Ryan, Kara and Randy has been left trapped and bored inside Ryan’s sprawling mansion. Plus Paula’s due date was less than a month away, so she was getting rather large. Her mood swings were increasing both in intensity and in frequency.

Especially when Ryan had brought out the game of Monopoly for them to play. They’d been playing for half-an-hour when Paula had decided the game was lame, and she’d turned the board over. They’d laughed because she was losing and she didn’t like it. She was now laying across the sofa, as Randy, Ryan and Kara sat on the floor playing Monopoly. She was lightly dozing when she felt a dull, throbbing pain in her stomach, she thought it was simply Braxton hicks so she ignored it.

As the hours drew on the pains in her abdomen seemed to increase. “Maybe this isn’t Braxton hicks,” she whispered, hissing as another contraction hit her small, tired body.

“Paula?” Ryan called as he looked over at her. “What’s wrong?” he asked, as he moved away from the game, and over to her by the sofa.

“I think… I think I’m in labour,” she hissed through clenched teeth. Her hands clutching tightly at the sofa beneath her. The pain had become more frequent, more common and certainly more painful as the day had worn on; she knew it was only going to get worse.

“What?” Ryan squeaked, his voice rising several pitches as Kara and Randy rushed over to her.

“Ryan! Go and get some towels and a blanket. Randy, you go and get her some pillows and I’ll go and get some hot water. You’ll be fine sweetie,” she whispered as her, Ryan and Randy rushed out of the room.

“Simon,” she sobbed as the pain seemed to intensify once again. “I need you.” But of course Simon didn’t come. He was stuck in England, thousands of miles away from her, when she felt like she needed him the most. He would hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be ok. He’d whisper sweet nothings in her ear, to try and soothe her a little.


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“Honey, your at ten centimetres. It’s time to start pushing,” Kara instructed softly.


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“It’s me. We’re snowed in, and she’s in labour. We can’t get out. Help us please!” he pleaded over the phone. “Thanks,” he replied, hanging up.


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“It’s a boy!” Ryan beamed as he held the newborn, Bradley Abdul in his arms. “A beautiful baby boy,” he whispered, tearing up slightly as he passed Bradley back to his mother.

“Aww, look Ryan’s crying!” Kara and Randy teased, as Ryan shot them a glare.

“Am not!” Ryan huffed, wiping away the moisture that had gathered around his eyes. “Simon!” he squeaked as he heard a knock on the door.

“You got a snowplough?” Ryan asked dumbfounded as he saw the machine behind Simon.

“Yeah,” Simon shrugged. “Now where is she? We have to get her to the hospital. I got a car which is going to take her to the hospital. It’s going to follow the snowplough,” he said as he turned to walk away.

“Thanks!” Ryan yelled to Simon just before he disappeared from view. He quickly went back inside - it was cold. He entered the living room to find everyone including the baby watching him like a hawk. “What? Oh right! That was Simon, he got a snowplough to clear a path, as well as a car to take you guys to the hospital. So Kara will you please help the two of them get ready, so we can go,” Ryan instructed.

“He’s gone?” Paula asked brokenly, as she looked down at the baby.

“I’m sorry sweetie,” Ryan replied. It killed him a little when he saw the totally distraught look on her face,

“Let’s go,” Paula said as she appeared from around the corner, bundled up and holding on to Kara for support as she walked slowly into the hallway. Wincing slightly after every second or third step she took. “It hurts a little bit,” she whispered as Kara led her outside.


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“Welcome to your home,” she whispered to the sleeping baby, as she lifted the carry-cot out of the car. It felt so good to be home, to be out of the hospital and back in her own home with her son. Little Bradley never stirred as she carried him inside the house. “Come on honey. Let’s go put you in the nursery,” she cooed, as she carried the carry cot up the stairs with Daniel following behind her.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered, as she opened the door to reveal a fully decorated nursery. Complete with a jungle-themed room, that was fully furnished with all the necessary things and more that she’d need to take care of the baby with. She felt the happy tears flowing from her eyes - her hormones making her cry so, so easily as she handed Bradley to Daniel, so that she could inspect the room. “Simon,” she whispered, softly as she saw the note attached to the big, brown teddy sitting in the crib.

It read: ‘Congrats on the baby. S.x’

“You like it?” Daniel asked.

“You knew?” she asked, shocked.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “He called me and told me his plans, and that you couldn’t know. I would say that this is the perfect baby gift.”

“I can’t believe he did this,” she whispered, as she fished her phone out of her pocket so that she could text him. ‘Thank you.’ she texts. Mere seconds later her phone beeps with a reply. ‘No problem.’ he replied.


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“Ryan!” she yelled, as she saw Ryan was down the hall talking to some girl.

“Hey!” he replied enthusiastically as he saw her and the baby coming towards him.

“Will you help me set up in Si’s trailer?” she asked, as he approached her. He lifted Bradley out of her arms.

“Hey buddy!” he beamed proudly, as his Godson smiled at him. “Yeah sure, I’ll help,” he replied, the three of them making their way out along the corridor to Simon’s trailer in the yard.

“He’s four months old and Simon’s never met him. My visit tonight has finally given me the courage to face him again. He’s going to meet Bradley, and he’s going to like it. By the way he isn’t here yet, so we have to hurry.”


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“Before you say anything. There is someone I want you to me,” she says softly, cutting of his attempts at speech as he comes into his trailer - alone. She grabs a hold of his hand and pulls her towards him. “Simon Philip Cowell meet Bradley Philip Abdul,” she whispered as Bradley opened his eyes - his gaze fixated on Simon. “Pick him up,” she whispered, as she nudged him forward as Bradley lifted his arms.

“Hello handsome,” Simon said softly as he lifted Bradley into his arms with a practiced ease - Bradley quickly nuzzled into him; bonding with him.

“He likes you,” she whispered. “Watch him please, whilst I go get ready.” she doesn’t give him a chance to protest as she rushed into the changing area where Daniel was waiting for her.

“Well,” Simon said uneasily. “I guess it’s just you and me for a while,” he said, as he sat down on the sofa with Bradley sitting in his lap, staring up at him with a familiar gaze.


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“He’s a natural with him,” Daniel said to her as he watched Simon blowing a raspberry on Bradley’s stomach, before he returned to his duties as hairdresser stylist.


“Just like he should have been with our baby,” she whispered - her mind replaying the time during their brief affair when she’d fallen pregnant. She’d only been about six weeks gone when she’d miscarried.

“I know Hun,” Daniel said softly to her, as he curled her hair with the curlers.


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“Darling,” he purred down the phone to her, despite the fact that it was 4am in Los Angeles and she had a screaming baby in the next room.

“This better be good, Simon,” she growled, holding the phone to her ear, so that she could venture into the nursery to try and settle Bradley.

“It is darling,” he replied. “If you check your computer and your schedule you should find some tickets under your name for you and Bradley, to come visit me the week after your birthday. And before you say anything, I already called your assistant to make sure you had this week free.”

“Sneaky git,” she replied before ending the call. She knew he knew what her answer would so she didn’t bother giving it to him in word form. She also knew that Mezhgan would be in Los Angeles that week, so no interruptions.


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Before she knew it, the time had passed and on a plane in first class sat her and Bradley, bound for London, Heathrow. She felt a wave of relief pass through her as Bradley promptly fell asleep, once the plane had levelled out. This wave of relief momentarily made her forget about the feelings of nervousness which were pumping around her system with every second she came closer to seeing Simon Cowell again.

She took a deep breath as she and Bradley stepped off the plane onto English soil. She smiled when she saw a familiar sight standing in the window. There was a spring in her step as she walked further and further away from the plane, getting closer and closer to the familiar sight standing in the window.

“Ba!” Bradley squealed loudly, as he saw Simon walking towards them with open arms and a wide, beaming smile on his face.

“Hey buddy!” he replied, as he kissed Paula on the cheek before hoisting Bradley into his arms - he seemed to fit naturally into them. “Let’s go get your luggage!” he said, allowing Paula to wrap an arm around his waist as they walked in the direction of the baggage claim. A few discreet bodyguards behind them, for when the paparazzi caught wind of their presence. The time of silence, and not being harassed would be brief.


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“Welcome to your London home,” he said to Bradley as they walked through the door. Simon passed Bradley back to Paula, so that he could fetch their bags.


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Bradley was napping on the sofa a wall of pillows around him as Simon was in the kitchen fixing drinks, and Paula was on the floor looking through Simon’s photo albums. She is gazing through a photo album photo which contains pictures of Simon during his younger years. Her breath catches in her throat when she sees a photo of Simon as a baby. It is like she is looking at photographs of Bradley. The two of them are identical. Now it hits her. It hits her like a ton of bricks, all of the gestures Bradley made were one’s she’d seen Simon making.

“What’s wrong?” she lifted her head to see Simon staring at her with a worried expression upon his face. “Paw-ler?” he set the drinks down before rushing over to her.

“Did you ever visit a sperm bank in Los Angeles?” she questioned, her voice calm and even.

“Excuse me?” he asked confused. Why the hell was she asking him this? He wondered.

“Answer the question?” she said.

“Once about twenty years ago. I was on holiday here with a few mates, we walked past a sperm bank and a mate dared me to do it. Why do you ask?” he said.

“Because as you know I used a sperm bank to conceive Bradley…” she trailed off. “… and I was looking through your photographs when I realised that these pictures of you as a baby are identical to what Bradley looks like now.”

“You think I’m his father?” he breathed. She nodded.

“When I think about it the info provided by the donor matches things which describe you,” she said shakily. “You could be my babies father. He could be our baby. He could be a Cowell. Bradley Cowell,” she whispeed softly, as she watched the rise and fall of Bradley’s chest with each breath of air he took during his sleep.


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The rumours regarding Simon and Mezhgan, and the state of their relationship are riff around the world. You cannot go on a gossip website without coming across several articles regarding the two.

She had just put Bradley down for his nap when she hears her mobile phone ringing downstairs. She tucks the baby monitor into her lap before she rushes downstairs to get it. “Damn!” she cursed when she sees it’s a missed called from Simon. She doesn’t have to wait long, he rung back almost immediately.

“Hello,” she answered.

“He’s my son,” Simon answered breathlessly. “Bradley is my son.”

“You have the results?” she asked.

“Yes! They are in my hand!” he snaps. “Weren’t you listening when I said he’s my son!”

“Yes I was!” she snapped back. “Oh, my God Simon, we have a baby.”


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The following statement was released by Max Clifford:

‘My client Simon Cowell has informed me that his engagement, even his relationship with Mezhgan Hussiany has ended upon his discovery that he’d fathered Paula Abdul’s son Bradley Abdul. Now named Bradley Abdul-Cowell. Things between Simon and Mezhgan had been deteriorating for a while.’


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“You may kiss the bride.”

“Mr Cowell,” she whispered as their lips came together in a flurry of passion, love and heat.

“I love you Paula,” he said softly, as he picked up their son who looked dashingly handsome in his little suit. “And you little man.”